After last week's purge regarding my thoughts on sex and relationships, I feel like I have to follow it up with something. After all, something started happening, and then it didn't. (Sorry for the spoiler.)
So, I started messaging with a guy. We exchanged numbers. We talked. We texted. We made plans to meet. I freaked the fudge out! I'm talking about-to-get-on-an-airplane or about-to-have-surgery tears and shaking. My good friend talked me down and I pulled myself together and got all dolled up (well, as dolled up as appropriate for a mid-range chain restaurant), and went to my bass lesson. And that's when I got the text that he had to cancel on me. Honestly, I was relieved, but I was so angry, too. I mean, I put an effort into what I would wear so I looked nice, but not too nice for the restaurant. I put an effort into my makeup. And I dressed up quit a bit more than I would prefer to go to bass class (there's always a bunch of guys hanging out there, but I'm going for the bass lesson, not the dating). While it was some notice, it was pretty much last minute notice since I had to get ready before bass class.
Looking all classy and cool like I did, I had to go out, and so I did. I hit up Kelley's, then went to Courtyard. I got popcorn, salsa, the best wings EVER, and a couple of Andygators (my new obsession).
This brought on some flashbacks to about twelve years ago, when I had been chatting with this guy on AOL for a few months. It turned out he worked with one of my classmates on a fundraiser, so it wasn't SO intimidating, meeting someone online and all. We chatted, we emailed, we talked, we made plans. And the day of the date, he cancelled on me. While I think it was for the best since I was so young back then, nd he was a few years older, the event still haunts me.
See, I've never really dated anyone.
Everyone I recount this to says it counts as a date, but I didn't quite get it, and it was so last minute, I don't really count it, but I guess, technically, my first real date (non-formal, regular kind of evening date) was the summer before my senior year of high school. We went to a Mitch Hedburg show. How's that for an awesome first-date-ever story? :)
Then there was that AOL guy.
And then there was college. I always called them best friends dates because we were best friends, and one time I had to borrow my old neighbor from his girlfriend, and this one time another old neighbor and I hung out all day and made dinner plans and he kept trying to pay for everything, and I didn't know what to think of it all, so I out drank him until he passed out. I used to be good at that.
And there was the time I met up with this guy I was talking to every night to "hang out."
Looking back, maybe "hang out" was code word for a date?
But the first date that I really count was with one of my old bartenders. It all just kind of happened, and it's kind of a crazy story, but we went to Surin West for dinner on my birthday. And then he went crazy. After I was letting my guard down with him and all ...
And then there was Space. Our first official date (we just kind of happened, and I guess we fell instantly in like and got to know each other for an entire weekend before he realized the error of his ways and took me on a real date) was to Surin West, of course. And that relationship stuck because he didn't like cocaine more than he liked me.
And I haven't dated anyone since Space. And it's time. It's been two, almost two and a half, years. We were together for five. It. Is. So. Time.
And I think I have decided to going back to dating the old fashioned way, even though it wasn't working out. Meeting someone in person is so much better because you can instantly gauge chemistry, and when you know the chemistry is there, and you've already faced this person in real life, things aren't so scary as when you're about to go on that date with the person you've never met.
While I can do without the butterflies, it's nice to know they are there because you know the person is special. Maybe they won't end up being special enough, but it means there's something worth checking out.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sex and the Single Girl
Yesterday, I posted this on Facebook: "This might be why I'm 29 and single (and if
this is why, I will be happily single for as long as it takes), but why
does it seem that every possible romantic relationship these days is
founded on sex? Why can't we build up to that instead of being expected
to start with it?"
Now, before people start accusing me of being a prude, or being old fashioned, hear me out.
I do the dating website thing, I am open to new opportunities, everyone knows I am looking for a relationship (although I think most of my single friends don't quite understand me since they are single by choice). I am surrounded by sex - television, movies, music, advertising, books, friends' conquests, and getting hit on in the most vulgar of ways. And then there are the seemingly nice guys who are all talk and no action. Where is the balance? And being surrounded by so much sex, it makes the stubborn side of me rear its head and I stand my ground.
I'm not going to have sex with a guy before or on the first date thinking it's going to get me into a relationship. If I did, this sends the message that sex is so important to the relationship that our sexual capabilities are the most integral part to the relationship. When the guys on the dating website, or who hit on me by asking me to take them home or to go home with them or something else way worse, that puts sex too quickly into the possible relationship for me. Having sex with someone, just to have sex is wasting my time. If I want a real relationship, and I'm not going to settle on someone good enough, why would I settle for an empty physical symbol of a relationship?
When sex is the foundation for a relationship, and nothing else replaces it as the foundation, what will happen when, and if, God forbid, something happens so that we can't have sex? What if one, or both, of us is disabled in a way so that we can't have sex? What if we have to be apart for an extended amount of time?
If we have nothing else in common that we are equally passionate about, how do we continue the relationship when sex can no longer be a part of it?
Yes, I believe the act of sex is an integral part to a relationship. However, I think of it as symbolic of the mutual intimacy, love, and all those good relationship things, we feel for each other. Sex does not equal love, intimacy, respect, trust, admiration, etc. It is a physical act that can express those feelings, but it does not equal them. It's also one of those things that, given extenuating circumstances, is not 100% crucial to having a healthy relationship. Thankfully, there are several ways you and your partner can express your feelings for one another.
I'm looking for a husband. I'm not looking for a husband so I can have a wedding (although, I would like to celebrate the milestone with loved ones). I'm not looking for a husband to validate me as a human. I'm looking for a husband so I may be a part of a marriage. I desire a partner to share the experience of life. Yeah, I can do it on my own, and with miscellaneous other people, but I want the total package, the commitment. I want the freaking fairy tale, and I 100% deserve it.
Relationships are kind of like that rule of physics, where a body in motion will stay in motion until acted on by an outside force. Outside forces affect the relationship, and it's up to the couple to be a team and overcome the outside forces so the couple may maintain their motion, or their relationship. If one of the partners always carries the weight of the relationship and the other always takes a more passive role, the relationship is weakened over time because the passive partner isn't building strength to overcome the force and the dominant partner grows weary after a while, and loses strength. It doesn't mean that equality must always be maintained in the relationship, but there must be a fair balance to the equilibrium of the relationship.
The other side to the rule of physics I am writing about is a body at rest will stay at rest until acted on by an outside force. When the relationship settles into a regular routine, outside forces can easily disturb it because the partners have both become lazy. While equilibrium is maintained, it can be rather hard to overcome the forces when you forget how to work for it.
Because relationships are constantly affected by outside forces, they must remain in motion, each partner always working as a team, as balanced as possible, to overcome the outside forces. It's impossible for each partner of the couple to fiercely maintain their independence because it takes power away from the couple itself.
While my last relationship didn't work out, it was a great learning experience. I gained a great friend, discovered I am capable of long term commitment, and know that in my next relationship, I have to have someone dedicated to working on the relationship, as it evolves. I also learned how sex fits into a relationship. Sex seems like just the tip of the iceberg to the physics of a relationship, and I don't want to start a relationship off by building it too top heavy because it is bound to collapse at some point.
Now, before people start accusing me of being a prude, or being old fashioned, hear me out.
I do the dating website thing, I am open to new opportunities, everyone knows I am looking for a relationship (although I think most of my single friends don't quite understand me since they are single by choice). I am surrounded by sex - television, movies, music, advertising, books, friends' conquests, and getting hit on in the most vulgar of ways. And then there are the seemingly nice guys who are all talk and no action. Where is the balance? And being surrounded by so much sex, it makes the stubborn side of me rear its head and I stand my ground.
I'm not going to have sex with a guy before or on the first date thinking it's going to get me into a relationship. If I did, this sends the message that sex is so important to the relationship that our sexual capabilities are the most integral part to the relationship. When the guys on the dating website, or who hit on me by asking me to take them home or to go home with them or something else way worse, that puts sex too quickly into the possible relationship for me. Having sex with someone, just to have sex is wasting my time. If I want a real relationship, and I'm not going to settle on someone good enough, why would I settle for an empty physical symbol of a relationship?
When sex is the foundation for a relationship, and nothing else replaces it as the foundation, what will happen when, and if, God forbid, something happens so that we can't have sex? What if one, or both, of us is disabled in a way so that we can't have sex? What if we have to be apart for an extended amount of time?
If we have nothing else in common that we are equally passionate about, how do we continue the relationship when sex can no longer be a part of it?
Yes, I believe the act of sex is an integral part to a relationship. However, I think of it as symbolic of the mutual intimacy, love, and all those good relationship things, we feel for each other. Sex does not equal love, intimacy, respect, trust, admiration, etc. It is a physical act that can express those feelings, but it does not equal them. It's also one of those things that, given extenuating circumstances, is not 100% crucial to having a healthy relationship. Thankfully, there are several ways you and your partner can express your feelings for one another.
I'm looking for a husband. I'm not looking for a husband so I can have a wedding (although, I would like to celebrate the milestone with loved ones). I'm not looking for a husband to validate me as a human. I'm looking for a husband so I may be a part of a marriage. I desire a partner to share the experience of life. Yeah, I can do it on my own, and with miscellaneous other people, but I want the total package, the commitment. I want the freaking fairy tale, and I 100% deserve it.
Relationships are kind of like that rule of physics, where a body in motion will stay in motion until acted on by an outside force. Outside forces affect the relationship, and it's up to the couple to be a team and overcome the outside forces so the couple may maintain their motion, or their relationship. If one of the partners always carries the weight of the relationship and the other always takes a more passive role, the relationship is weakened over time because the passive partner isn't building strength to overcome the force and the dominant partner grows weary after a while, and loses strength. It doesn't mean that equality must always be maintained in the relationship, but there must be a fair balance to the equilibrium of the relationship.
The other side to the rule of physics I am writing about is a body at rest will stay at rest until acted on by an outside force. When the relationship settles into a regular routine, outside forces can easily disturb it because the partners have both become lazy. While equilibrium is maintained, it can be rather hard to overcome the forces when you forget how to work for it.
Because relationships are constantly affected by outside forces, they must remain in motion, each partner always working as a team, as balanced as possible, to overcome the outside forces. It's impossible for each partner of the couple to fiercely maintain their independence because it takes power away from the couple itself.
While my last relationship didn't work out, it was a great learning experience. I gained a great friend, discovered I am capable of long term commitment, and know that in my next relationship, I have to have someone dedicated to working on the relationship, as it evolves. I also learned how sex fits into a relationship. Sex seems like just the tip of the iceberg to the physics of a relationship, and I don't want to start a relationship off by building it too top heavy because it is bound to collapse at some point.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Little Party that Could
Last year, when I decided to put myself out there for Arrangements chair/co-chair for the Junior League of Lee County, I knew I would be in charge of our annual party. In years past, we did a Masquerade Ball, which was always fun, but interest was decreasing, so my group had to revitalize the annual party and do something big with it ... and all on a tight budget.
We started planning in the summer, deciding we would do an 80's theme party, in October we started working on our vision, in early December we had a date, location, and band, and in early January, with 5 weeks to go, we started the decorations, promotions, and menu.
And it happened, and many people attended, and many people had fun, and we raised a good chunk of money for child health and wellness programs in Lee County.
I have no pictures because I didn't have time to take any, but suffice it to say I was met with some cynicism and negative attitudes, but we did it. We pulled off a fabulous party that doubled attendance from last year and got people having fun all night long.
If you know me, you know I love a good party, and you also know I love doing for others, so this event was a dream come true. I never imagined I would have overseen something on this scale for the first time I was in charge of it, but I am very pleased.
Next goal? 300 people and raise $10,000.
We started planning in the summer, deciding we would do an 80's theme party, in October we started working on our vision, in early December we had a date, location, and band, and in early January, with 5 weeks to go, we started the decorations, promotions, and menu.
And it happened, and many people attended, and many people had fun, and we raised a good chunk of money for child health and wellness programs in Lee County.
I have no pictures because I didn't have time to take any, but suffice it to say I was met with some cynicism and negative attitudes, but we did it. We pulled off a fabulous party that doubled attendance from last year and got people having fun all night long.
If you know me, you know I love a good party, and you also know I love doing for others, so this event was a dream come true. I never imagined I would have overseen something on this scale for the first time I was in charge of it, but I am very pleased.
Next goal? 300 people and raise $10,000.
Friday, January 11, 2013
New Year's Resolution #1
Who woulda thunk I actually would accomplish one of my resolutions so quickly in the year? Not I.
But, I did. Yay!
A couple weeks ago, the Black Crowes announced their spring tour. Atlanta April 23 is the date. I went ahead and made my hotel reservations about a week ago, and included some time in there to see the Georgia Aquarium and the Margaret Mitchell House. Well, a couple days ago, Widespread Panic announced their spring tour. Hallelujah! And guess where they'll be April 26-27? In the Atlanta area. So, back to Google Maps and hotel reservations I went, adjusted my time in downtown Atlanta, made reservations for North Atlanta, and the vacation is planned. Got my Crowes tickets this week, and Panic goes on sale next week, and I just need to decided where all I will be going for the entire week. Fun, fun, fun!
Now, I am terrified of Murphy's Law kicking in and since the vacation is planned, I'm afraid something will happen to keep me from this awesome week of concerts.
But, I did. Yay!
A couple weeks ago, the Black Crowes announced their spring tour. Atlanta April 23 is the date. I went ahead and made my hotel reservations about a week ago, and included some time in there to see the Georgia Aquarium and the Margaret Mitchell House. Well, a couple days ago, Widespread Panic announced their spring tour. Hallelujah! And guess where they'll be April 26-27? In the Atlanta area. So, back to Google Maps and hotel reservations I went, adjusted my time in downtown Atlanta, made reservations for North Atlanta, and the vacation is planned. Got my Crowes tickets this week, and Panic goes on sale next week, and I just need to decided where all I will be going for the entire week. Fun, fun, fun!
Now, I am terrified of Murphy's Law kicking in and since the vacation is planned, I'm afraid something will happen to keep me from this awesome week of concerts.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year
Last year's New Year's Eve and yesterday's nights varied greatly. Yes, I snacked for dinner, and put down a bottle of wine, but no champagne, no partying. I was so asleep before midnight, and it was awesome.
Over the past year, I've done a lot of fast living. I've burned the candle at both ends. I've lived like I did when I was twenty and it has caught up with me and I've done it all over again. While this burning the candle at both ends thing isn't something totally new for me, I'm ready to encourage more balance in my life. The past few weeks, I've been pondering what my New Year's resolutions will be. I may have some more to add to the list, but so far the list is:
1. Plan a vacation based on where Widespread Panic will be touring.
2. Document my life. (Blog more, take a picture every day)
3. Try some new exercise classes (pole dancing, belly dancing, hula hoop, etc.) and do Pure Barre once a week (or so, until my body gets used to it).
4. Go to the beach.
5. Make time to play my bass.
6. Be conscientious of what I put into my body.
7. Recycle, be conscientious about conserving energy, minimize waste.
8. Learn to sew. Make some fun hippie clothes.
9. Work
10. Be conscientious of where I shop. When appropriate, shop second hand first, local second, and the not-so-bad major corporations third. Boycott businesses with unacceptable policies and practices.
11. Take one day a week as a personal day for reflection and quiet time.
12. Put pride in my appearance.
13. Pare down my possessions (ahem, wardrobe) to what I need and is useful, and a little of what I want.
14. Organize all my papers, financials, clippings, etc. Start working on business plans for all business ideas.
15. Take some extra classes to enrich the jane-of-all-trades in me.
16. Celebrate turning 30, and embrace the new decade.
17. Get smart with my finances.
18. Be more active in philanthropy.
Over the past year, I've done a lot of fast living. I've burned the candle at both ends. I've lived like I did when I was twenty and it has caught up with me and I've done it all over again. While this burning the candle at both ends thing isn't something totally new for me, I'm ready to encourage more balance in my life. The past few weeks, I've been pondering what my New Year's resolutions will be. I may have some more to add to the list, but so far the list is:
1. Plan a vacation based on where Widespread Panic will be touring.
2. Document my life. (Blog more, take a picture every day)
3. Try some new exercise classes (pole dancing, belly dancing, hula hoop, etc.) and do Pure Barre once a week (or so, until my body gets used to it).
4. Go to the beach.
5. Make time to play my bass.
6. Be conscientious of what I put into my body.
7. Recycle, be conscientious about conserving energy, minimize waste.
8. Learn to sew. Make some fun hippie clothes.
9. Work
10. Be conscientious of where I shop. When appropriate, shop second hand first, local second, and the not-so-bad major corporations third. Boycott businesses with unacceptable policies and practices.
11. Take one day a week as a personal day for reflection and quiet time.
12. Put pride in my appearance.
13. Pare down my possessions (ahem, wardrobe) to what I need and is useful, and a little of what I want.
14. Organize all my papers, financials, clippings, etc. Start working on business plans for all business ideas.
15. Take some extra classes to enrich the jane-of-all-trades in me.
16. Celebrate turning 30, and embrace the new decade.
17. Get smart with my finances.
18. Be more active in philanthropy.
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012 in Review
I've been reflecting on 2012 lately, deciding whether it was just terrible and I'm ready for a fresh start or if I'm ready to continue the good and see what else awesome can happen.
January - Kicked off the year splendidly. Went to Auburn on New Year's Eve, celebrated with some neighbors and older aged Auburn friends (for those of you who don't know, that means people in Auburn over the age of 23), rejoined a dating website, started talking to a few guys
February - Had about decided to move back to Birmingham more full time, had a roommate for about a week before said roommate got into some trouble and just up and moved out, watched one of my besties get robbed at gunpoint, celebrated said bestie's birthday in true Mardi Gras fashion, retreated to Auburn where I felt safe, came back to see Jimmy Buffett and do the tailgate. (*Bucket List Alert* Go to a Jimmy Buffett concert, do the tailgate, do the "Fins" dance - Mission: Accomplished) (Also, don't get me started on the car drama that day before and during the tailgate. Ugh!)
March - Junior League Mardi Gras "ball" (success!), best friend in Auburn's birthday, got a PUPPY (Gemma)
April - Saw Alison Krauss and Union Station (I cried it was so beautiful), Happy 29th Birthday to me (complete with a raging flare up - Ugh!), changed dating website city to Auburn, started talking to a few more guys, Junior League Walk/Run (Success!), found out I would be co-chairing the Arrangements committee for Junior League "next" year, MICKEY HART
May - Almost saw The Cult (I swoon just thinking about them, but that's all we're going to say about that since I didn't ever make it to the show), got shitfaced-skunked-schmammered with the bestie when I missed the show and made a fabulousss first impression on her new boyfriend when he came to pick us up from the bar, and talked to my mom while I was so SSS drunk and committed to going to Nashville before being THAT drunk (yes, all in one night, all of those things), saw Snoop Dogg the next night (let down), started acupuncture for flare up (awesome!), stupid, small-town car issues (a freaking tire broke and it took forever and a million years to fix), went to Nashville with Mom to see a couple guys from Celtic Thunder do their thang, saw Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean in concert (good show!), celebrated the marriage of one of my favorite bartenders and his awesome lady, got hit on by this guy I've known a few years (finally! .... don't get excited, I'm still waiting on him to follow through), started planning for the most legendary Auburn summer EVER
June - Got a job offer when I wasn't even trying!!!, started working even though it was in Birmingham, wondered when the f that guy was going to follow through on his flirtations, worked, worked, worked, skipped the Lady Antebellum concert (bummer)
July - Worked, worked, got a gold star, worked, the whole ex-favorite neighbor thing happened/wondered why the f I can't seem to get anything going with a decent guy, work, Auburn, MOTLEY CRUE/KISS!!!
August - Realized I had a serious, uncomfortable, fan-girl crush on Nikki Sixx (I swoon!), Auburn-Atlanta for work-Auburn-Birmingham, work, bought a bass, work, hippie identity crisis, work, Robert Plant (let's just say front row seats aren't all that awesome when you see more of the guy you're there to see than you could imagine), random outing to see the Lumineers/Old Crow Medicine Show (awesome!), PHISH/stayed out until 4 AM/met the coolest person ever, hippie crisis averted, worked, stayed up until 3 AM with him and friends two nights later, worked, earned a gold star at work AGAIN, saw Loverboy/Pat Benetar/Journey on 5 hours sleep, worked, worked, Auburn, worked
September - Work, fair, Junior League, work, cried at Joe Biden's speech at DNC, work, Auburn for LSU weekend (stayed out 'til 4 AM again), work
October - Work, finished work, Auburn with Space, Miranda Lambert (fun!), Bonnie Raitt (oh.my.soul.awesome!), saw my new coolest person ever again, cooked, caught walking-freaking-pneumonia, Halloween with the amateur skanks
November - Recovery from pneumonia, cast my vote for my man Barack, basked in the dim glow of a computer screen as I relived golden moments from my glory years as a poli sci major and watched the electoral votes for Barack keep adding up, adopted another cat (Lilly), visit from Mel and Laura for Georgia game, saw Velcro Pygmies at Supper Club, saw Southern Culture on the Skids (finally!!!), went to Huntsville to visit family, college friends, and coolest person ever (got a massage, manicure, room service, two nights sleep with no animals, and awesome dinner with college friends, and a beautiful drive there and back), Thanksgiving, had a come apart over being broken up with the Space-man
December - Broke my little toe, realized Lilly has a raging case of feline herpes, started bass lessons, cooked, partied, got all kinds of caught up in moving back to Birmingham, hobbled around, remembered why it is best that the Space-man and I are friends, ignored a text from the ex favorite neighbor, baked, baked, baked, cooked, partied, Christmas-ed, partied, slept, got Tangerine (my Volkswagen Cabrio) out of the shop, Lilly to vet to rule out upper respiratory infection/Gemma vomited everything but the kitchen sink in the exam room/Auburn/Happy New Year's Eve from Auburn! Love, Paige (broken toe and possible flare up), Gemma (super sensitive stomach and 2 meds), Lilly (raging feline herpes and 4 meds)
So, aside from the bass hobby, concerts, Gemma, Lilly and Wild Woman shenanigans, I will declare 2012 a bust. No new tattoos, no Widespread concerts, not a single freaking date with some guy other than Space ...
Now, on to CONCERT OF THE YEAR. There were so many - Alison Krauss, Mickey Hart, Motley Crue, Robert Plant, and Bonnie Raitt are the top five. This is so out of character, prior to this year, but I'm going to have to call it. Motley Crue was it. Then Mickey Hart, Bonnie Raitt, Robert Plant, and Alison Krauss. You know how many shows I went to, though, and the top five are really, truly, so almost tied.
I'm going to elect not to choose any more superlatives of the year, as all I can think of is most terrifying moment of the year, which I prefer not to relive. (See February and that thing about best friends and gunpoint. ::Shiver:: Ick! ::Shiver::)
January - Kicked off the year splendidly. Went to Auburn on New Year's Eve, celebrated with some neighbors and older aged Auburn friends (for those of you who don't know, that means people in Auburn over the age of 23), rejoined a dating website, started talking to a few guys
February - Had about decided to move back to Birmingham more full time, had a roommate for about a week before said roommate got into some trouble and just up and moved out, watched one of my besties get robbed at gunpoint, celebrated said bestie's birthday in true Mardi Gras fashion, retreated to Auburn where I felt safe, came back to see Jimmy Buffett and do the tailgate. (*Bucket List Alert* Go to a Jimmy Buffett concert, do the tailgate, do the "Fins" dance - Mission: Accomplished) (Also, don't get me started on the car drama that day before and during the tailgate. Ugh!)
March - Junior League Mardi Gras "ball" (success!), best friend in Auburn's birthday, got a PUPPY (Gemma)
April - Saw Alison Krauss and Union Station (I cried it was so beautiful), Happy 29th Birthday to me (complete with a raging flare up - Ugh!), changed dating website city to Auburn, started talking to a few more guys, Junior League Walk/Run (Success!), found out I would be co-chairing the Arrangements committee for Junior League "next" year, MICKEY HART
May - Almost saw The Cult (I swoon just thinking about them, but that's all we're going to say about that since I didn't ever make it to the show), got shitfaced-skunked-schmammered with the bestie when I missed the show and made a fabulousss first impression on her new boyfriend when he came to pick us up from the bar, and talked to my mom while I was so SSS drunk and committed to going to Nashville before being THAT drunk (yes, all in one night, all of those things), saw Snoop Dogg the next night (let down), started acupuncture for flare up (awesome!), stupid, small-town car issues (a freaking tire broke and it took forever and a million years to fix), went to Nashville with Mom to see a couple guys from Celtic Thunder do their thang, saw Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean in concert (good show!), celebrated the marriage of one of my favorite bartenders and his awesome lady, got hit on by this guy I've known a few years (finally! .... don't get excited, I'm still waiting on him to follow through), started planning for the most legendary Auburn summer EVER
June - Got a job offer when I wasn't even trying!!!, started working even though it was in Birmingham, wondered when the f that guy was going to follow through on his flirtations, worked, worked, worked, skipped the Lady Antebellum concert (bummer)
July - Worked, worked, got a gold star, worked, the whole ex-favorite neighbor thing happened/wondered why the f I can't seem to get anything going with a decent guy, work, Auburn, MOTLEY CRUE/KISS!!!
August - Realized I had a serious, uncomfortable, fan-girl crush on Nikki Sixx (I swoon!), Auburn-Atlanta for work-Auburn-Birmingham, work, bought a bass, work, hippie identity crisis, work, Robert Plant (let's just say front row seats aren't all that awesome when you see more of the guy you're there to see than you could imagine), random outing to see the Lumineers/Old Crow Medicine Show (awesome!), PHISH/stayed out until 4 AM/met the coolest person ever, hippie crisis averted, worked, stayed up until 3 AM with him and friends two nights later, worked, earned a gold star at work AGAIN, saw Loverboy/Pat Benetar/Journey on 5 hours sleep, worked, worked, Auburn, worked
September - Work, fair, Junior League, work, cried at Joe Biden's speech at DNC, work, Auburn for LSU weekend (stayed out 'til 4 AM again), work
October - Work, finished work, Auburn with Space, Miranda Lambert (fun!), Bonnie Raitt (oh.my.soul.awesome!), saw my new coolest person ever again, cooked, caught walking-freaking-pneumonia, Halloween with the amateur skanks
November - Recovery from pneumonia, cast my vote for my man Barack, basked in the dim glow of a computer screen as I relived golden moments from my glory years as a poli sci major and watched the electoral votes for Barack keep adding up, adopted another cat (Lilly), visit from Mel and Laura for Georgia game, saw Velcro Pygmies at Supper Club, saw Southern Culture on the Skids (finally!!!), went to Huntsville to visit family, college friends, and coolest person ever (got a massage, manicure, room service, two nights sleep with no animals, and awesome dinner with college friends, and a beautiful drive there and back), Thanksgiving, had a come apart over being broken up with the Space-man
December - Broke my little toe, realized Lilly has a raging case of feline herpes, started bass lessons, cooked, partied, got all kinds of caught up in moving back to Birmingham, hobbled around, remembered why it is best that the Space-man and I are friends, ignored a text from the ex favorite neighbor, baked, baked, baked, cooked, partied, Christmas-ed, partied, slept, got Tangerine (my Volkswagen Cabrio) out of the shop, Lilly to vet to rule out upper respiratory infection/Gemma vomited everything but the kitchen sink in the exam room/Auburn/Happy New Year's Eve from Auburn! Love, Paige (broken toe and possible flare up), Gemma (super sensitive stomach and 2 meds), Lilly (raging feline herpes and 4 meds)
So, aside from the bass hobby, concerts, Gemma, Lilly and Wild Woman shenanigans, I will declare 2012 a bust. No new tattoos, no Widespread concerts, not a single freaking date with some guy other than Space ...
Now, on to CONCERT OF THE YEAR. There were so many - Alison Krauss, Mickey Hart, Motley Crue, Robert Plant, and Bonnie Raitt are the top five. This is so out of character, prior to this year, but I'm going to have to call it. Motley Crue was it. Then Mickey Hart, Bonnie Raitt, Robert Plant, and Alison Krauss. You know how many shows I went to, though, and the top five are really, truly, so almost tied.
I'm going to elect not to choose any more superlatives of the year, as all I can think of is most terrifying moment of the year, which I prefer not to relive. (See February and that thing about best friends and gunpoint. ::Shiver:: Ick! ::Shiver::)
Monday, September 24, 2012
On Advocacy
Today, during my multi-hour wait to see my endocrinologist (she is totally worth the wait, by the way), I heard a segment on the local news where people call in to a doctor and ask the doctor their questions in the doctor's realm of expertise. Today's subject was acid reflux. The first patient called in about how his prescription was really expensive and he had to take a lot of it. The doctor suggested he talk with his physician about switching to a different prescription and possibly having surgery. The other caller had a peds question, and the doctor said she didn't practice peds.
This irritated me for two reasons. First, the doctor on the show never once asked, "What are you putting in your body?" or "What kind of lifestyle do you live?" Now, I know some people just have reflux, but having been through my own medical problems, something I know about reflux is diet and lifestyle can significantly impact it. The doctor stuck to drugs and surgery as a solution. The other thing that bothered me was the people calling in were not calling their own doctor with their problems.
If your doctor will not listen to your concerns, fire him or her. Go to another doctor who will. If this is not an option, do not hesitate to push for a solution or complain to someone higher up (cheif of medicine, perhaps). If anything, ask a lot of questions, such as what are some alternatives to medicine/surgery, why the problem is occuring, what is the exact diagnosis, and what does it mean.
When I (finally) got back to see the doctor, I met with an intern first. He did a great job of doing a thorough history with me, but he did not like my resistance to take medicine for my thyroid. I have Grave's disease, which is an autoimmune type of hyperthyroidism. From what I have been told, many Grave's patients do not go into remission like I tend to. But, since I will go into remission without detrimental side effects (i.e. no symptoms of it affecting my heart or other major organs), I opt to wait and see if I will go into remission in a few weeks (with regular monitoring). The side effects of the drugs, combined with my history of going into remission fairly quickly, makes me not want to take the drugs. I also do not want a more permanent solution to my Grave's disease, like radioactive iodine, where I will have to take another drug with ill side effects for the long term.
Because I felt like he wasn't understanding where I was coming from, I reasoned with him. I lost around five years of my life to feeling like absolute crap. I have some more living to do before I start radiation treatments. I also am 29 and childless, but breastfeeding is very important to me and the drugs for hyperthyroidism are not compatible with that. He did argue (somewhat politely) that Synthroid was safe for breastfeeding, since it had the same chemical make up as thyroid hormones. Let's be real here, though. Synthroid is synthetic, man-made hormone, and it does have side effects. If it was totally safe, there would be no ill side effects. It can be passed through breast milk, and while deemed safe for the infant, I just don't know how I feel about the baby getting Synthroid through breast milk.
The intern also did not act as if he supported my decision to opt out of a flu shot. My reasoning? I've never had one before and I am healthy, and I will take my chances. I know if I get the flu and I have a very high temp, trouble breathing, etc. to go to the emergency room. Simply put, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I'm not anti-drug. I just refuse to take something that has possibly ill side effects that is not necessary or will do more harm than good.
My endocrinologist finally saved me from her intern and I had a delightful appointment with her, and we have a proactive plan set up for my PCOS, now that everything else seems to be settling down.
It's a shame that it took me nine years to find a doctor who will proactively treat my PCOS.
Whether or not my endocrinologist agrees with me or actually respects me, I don't know, and I honestly don't care. What matters is she explains what is up with my body, the medicine, and how everything factors in together. She listens to what I say, repeats it back to me, and we reach decisions together on how to manage my illnesses. At the very least, I feel like she respects me as a person and a patient, and I am very satisfied with the care I have received from her. Hello?!? I spent nearly four hours at the doctor today - that's how important she is to me as a provider.
I haven't always been very good at advocating for myself. I've been the person who goes to the doctor with a problem, and does exactly what the doctor says. Sometimes it has worked out very well, other times it has sometimes been a disaster. I'm not anti-drug, anti-surgery, or anti-doctor, I'm pro-informed consent and pro-respect. If you aren't getting those two things, and you're having problems, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your provider or seek out another.
When it comes to what is going on with your body, I encourage everyone to be informed and work with their providers to make the best decisions for themselves. Also, don't let your insurance (or lack thereof) dictate what type of care or treatment you receive. (One time, I had this terrible insurance that would cover only one diagnostic test, and to get insurance to cover it, my doctor was going to put me under general anesthesia and use my surgery benefit. Since I only had one surgery benefit, and I knew I was more than likely going to have surgery, I asked if I could just pay out of pocket for the endoscopy, which is what we ended up doing, and was much cheaper and easier on my body than general anesthesia.)
I have a long road ahead of me to counteract a lifetime of bad habits, but I am so thankful for this crazy journey to put me in the mindset to conquer it, and I am also thankful for providers who will "team up" with me on what path to choose to conquer the battle.
This irritated me for two reasons. First, the doctor on the show never once asked, "What are you putting in your body?" or "What kind of lifestyle do you live?" Now, I know some people just have reflux, but having been through my own medical problems, something I know about reflux is diet and lifestyle can significantly impact it. The doctor stuck to drugs and surgery as a solution. The other thing that bothered me was the people calling in were not calling their own doctor with their problems.
If your doctor will not listen to your concerns, fire him or her. Go to another doctor who will. If this is not an option, do not hesitate to push for a solution or complain to someone higher up (cheif of medicine, perhaps). If anything, ask a lot of questions, such as what are some alternatives to medicine/surgery, why the problem is occuring, what is the exact diagnosis, and what does it mean.
When I (finally) got back to see the doctor, I met with an intern first. He did a great job of doing a thorough history with me, but he did not like my resistance to take medicine for my thyroid. I have Grave's disease, which is an autoimmune type of hyperthyroidism. From what I have been told, many Grave's patients do not go into remission like I tend to. But, since I will go into remission without detrimental side effects (i.e. no symptoms of it affecting my heart or other major organs), I opt to wait and see if I will go into remission in a few weeks (with regular monitoring). The side effects of the drugs, combined with my history of going into remission fairly quickly, makes me not want to take the drugs. I also do not want a more permanent solution to my Grave's disease, like radioactive iodine, where I will have to take another drug with ill side effects for the long term.
Because I felt like he wasn't understanding where I was coming from, I reasoned with him. I lost around five years of my life to feeling like absolute crap. I have some more living to do before I start radiation treatments. I also am 29 and childless, but breastfeeding is very important to me and the drugs for hyperthyroidism are not compatible with that. He did argue (somewhat politely) that Synthroid was safe for breastfeeding, since it had the same chemical make up as thyroid hormones. Let's be real here, though. Synthroid is synthetic, man-made hormone, and it does have side effects. If it was totally safe, there would be no ill side effects. It can be passed through breast milk, and while deemed safe for the infant, I just don't know how I feel about the baby getting Synthroid through breast milk.
The intern also did not act as if he supported my decision to opt out of a flu shot. My reasoning? I've never had one before and I am healthy, and I will take my chances. I know if I get the flu and I have a very high temp, trouble breathing, etc. to go to the emergency room. Simply put, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I'm not anti-drug. I just refuse to take something that has possibly ill side effects that is not necessary or will do more harm than good.
My endocrinologist finally saved me from her intern and I had a delightful appointment with her, and we have a proactive plan set up for my PCOS, now that everything else seems to be settling down.
It's a shame that it took me nine years to find a doctor who will proactively treat my PCOS.
Whether or not my endocrinologist agrees with me or actually respects me, I don't know, and I honestly don't care. What matters is she explains what is up with my body, the medicine, and how everything factors in together. She listens to what I say, repeats it back to me, and we reach decisions together on how to manage my illnesses. At the very least, I feel like she respects me as a person and a patient, and I am very satisfied with the care I have received from her. Hello?!? I spent nearly four hours at the doctor today - that's how important she is to me as a provider.
I haven't always been very good at advocating for myself. I've been the person who goes to the doctor with a problem, and does exactly what the doctor says. Sometimes it has worked out very well, other times it has sometimes been a disaster. I'm not anti-drug, anti-surgery, or anti-doctor, I'm pro-informed consent and pro-respect. If you aren't getting those two things, and you're having problems, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your provider or seek out another.
When it comes to what is going on with your body, I encourage everyone to be informed and work with their providers to make the best decisions for themselves. Also, don't let your insurance (or lack thereof) dictate what type of care or treatment you receive. (One time, I had this terrible insurance that would cover only one diagnostic test, and to get insurance to cover it, my doctor was going to put me under general anesthesia and use my surgery benefit. Since I only had one surgery benefit, and I knew I was more than likely going to have surgery, I asked if I could just pay out of pocket for the endoscopy, which is what we ended up doing, and was much cheaper and easier on my body than general anesthesia.)
I have a long road ahead of me to counteract a lifetime of bad habits, but I am so thankful for this crazy journey to put me in the mindset to conquer it, and I am also thankful for providers who will "team up" with me on what path to choose to conquer the battle.
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