My story, it kind of sucks, but it will be okay

Last week, I sent a rather hastily written email to a blogger I have been following for a few years. And she wrote back to me this week. And she asked me to tell her about me.

I started with the usual history ... born and raised, went to college, moved back home, moved back to college town kind of. And then, I thought it might be helpful to explain a little about why I made the choices I did, and how I ended up doing freelance work. So, out comes the sick story.

It sucks that I pretty much lost a few years of my life to being sick. Not deathly sick, just too sick feeling to do anything. The kind of sick that makes you a total homebody and makes all your friends think you just want to stay at home with the boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I loved the Space-man, but I didn't spend all THAT much time with him when we lived together. He went out to his friend's bachelor pad nearly every night to watch some sporting event.

I went through the pity party. I went through the "why can't I just catch a break?" And now, I am at the "this is why I am the way I am."

I have some limitations. I can't party all night like I used to. (Not that I really want to, because I love my sleep and I love my mornings.) I can't clean an entire house, or tiny apartment, in one day. Some days, I just can't do much of anything.

But, those days are getting further and further apart.

I recently saw something or read something where someone said something (yes, all the "some"s are getting to me) to the effect of when you're down, you know God is working on something big for you. And He is. I just never felt Him stir my soul, guiding me on a certain path. I don't know how far I veered off from His plan for me, but I do know all that I have been through has led me to a place where I am closer, and more at peace (most of the time) with what He has in store.

For example, I lived with my ex boyfriend. Not my proudest moment, and I would be lying if I said I regretted it and I didn't enjoy it. We spent nearly all of our time together anyway, and we were both going through some things where it just made sense for us to take that step. But that step is what confirmed I really did want to be married. And that is why we finally broke up.

I finally, finally, finally, finally, broke up with Space, and a few days later, meet a guy (who ended up being a loser), and then a few weeks later, meet another guy, who turned out to be quite awesome. A long time later, I still don't have even a boyfriend, but I feel like one is coming. I hope. Sooner than later.

I have no father figures left in my life, but that's okay. It means I can have a glass of champagne at my wedding and not worry someone is going to fall off the wagon. It also means gift giving has gotten a lot easier. And it means while others are off celebrating Father's Day, I can have my pick of massage appointments.

I felt like crap for years, but once I began to mend, I started making up for lost time. I learned to make time for myself and be a little selfish. If no one else is going to spoil me the way I want to be spoiled, I will. It encouraged me to give myself permission to actually live the hippie lifestyle I always wanted.

Yes, I am quite embarrassed at how flaky I appear to be, but honestly, I am having a good time doing it.

Everything is going to be just the way it is meant to be, and it will be fine, because that is what it is meant to be.

30x30

For the past couple of years, I have noticed a trend of people doing 30x30 bucket lists. I thought and thought about what to put on mine, and finally decided since life is so unpredictable and I don't always get to do what I hope to do, I am going to mostly make the list up as I go. There will be some long term goals and hopes and dreams on there, but it will be mostly "list as I go" and things I have done that I am so thankful I did. Without further adieu, let the list commence.

1. Cook in a professional kitchen - April 2011, Guest chef at Rags'
2. Join Junior League - August 2010, Junior League of Lee County
3. Travel to see Widespread Panic - September 2011, Knoxville
4. Become a doula - Spring 2010
5. Become a childbirth educator
6.
7. Make a list of places I would like to live and vacations to take
8. Create business plans for future business ventures, and map out a career plan
9. Have awesome concert tickets - done!
10. See Mickey Hart Band - April 2012
11. Go to a music festival outside of Birmingham - October 2012, Harvest Moon Festival, Callaway Gardens
12. Go on a vacation to Callaway Gardens
13. Put more effort into my appearance
14. Adopt a healthier lifestyle
15. See as many concerts as possible
16. See Jimmy Buffett and do the tailgate
17. Honor my body (regular mani/pedis, massages, adjustments, etc.)
18.
19. Get a dog - March 2012
20. Be assertive, not bitch-y
21. Do a total spa day (massage, hair, nails, makeup)
22. Celebrate the 30th at the beach with an Arabian Nights themed party (alternative plan: private)
23.
24. Establish and follow a wonderful organizational/filing system, a financial plan, start retirement fund, sort out wardrobe
25. Commit to a city
26.
27. Start the Porsche fund
28.
29.
30. Get out of the townhome. Let that baby go! (Unless Highland Park gets rid of the riff raff.)