I try to be polite at all times, but when some local politician calls me for the umpteenth time and I actually get to speak to a PERSON, you better believe I will take the opportunity to tell them I am sick of getting similar phone calls to the point that I am beginning to find myself apathetic. And I was a Political Science major, y'all. I believe in voting. Well, not exactly right now, but I'm trying to get my faith back in this world. So under prior circumstances, I believe in voting.
If you are a pushy real estate agent (or similar type person) and are really bugging the crap out of me, I will eventually tell you to suck it. Unless I am in Real Estate school and would like to keep all contacts I have in that profession as professional as possible, since I never know where I will be working and who I might be up against in negotiations.
If you are an insurance salesman who, after having me explain to you why I have been denied insurance in the recent past, tells me I can get insurance from you, and when I go to get said insurance, and I am, in fact, denied, I will let the nastiest bad word in the world fly. (And you must know you deserve it for listening to it for a few rounds before hanging up on me.)
Getting to what this post was to really be about, if you are an old friend who sends me inappropriate text messages, I will blush. And if you send those text messages in the middle of the night and wake me up, I will tell you, "Contrary to the version of me you used to know, I am indeed sleeping at 5:00 A.M. I do not appreciate wake up texts asking for dirty things, especially dirty things with no strings attached. Because, also contrary to the version of me you used to know, I settled down with a boyfriend and it turns out I actually like it." That seemed to nip it in the bud for a while, but I really missed my old friend, so we ended up starting to text each other again. It was fun having him back in my life.
Until this morning, at, say 3:27 A.M. when I got a text message too dirty to even attempt to describe in a lady-like way detailing what he did with a girl, who apparently is not one bit a good, Southern, lady. If I knew who she was, I would tell her father what was said about her. Shame on her! Let's put it this way: contrary to common Southern convention, I am by no means a Republican AND I consider myself very socially liberal (remember, I did say I was a bit of a hippie). Not much surprises me. Except at 3:27 A.M. when I get a vulgar text message that was really not necessary. This stirred me so much I wanted to get up and go out to see if Two-Bit and my
Of all things, y'all. I am STUNNED. Google the "Golden Girls" quote where Blanche is stunned. That's how stunned I am at what I saw in that text message. It was worse than vulgar, y'all.
Now, y'all, he did manage to put a "Sorry" in there. Why, I don't know. Sorry for waking me up? Sorry for tearing apart what was left of my innocence? Sorry for being vulgar? I don't really know, but I know that if he really was sorry, he wouldn't have sent that in the first place. And that, y'all, is what I texted back to him at 3:31 A.M. Only time will tell, y'all. In the meantime, I must come up with and practice a diatribe that would make Julia Sugarbaker feel the size of a grit.
But, being a good, Southern, LADY (ahem, Two-Bit), I will forgive him. With proper apologies, of course. Although, I might need some chocolate and wine (Ravenswood Zinfandel, please and thank you) to settle my stunned nerves first, and, of course, a beautiful bouquet of flowers would help. And if that doesn't do the trick, it's called Pottery Barn and you can check my registry.
