On Advocacy

Today, during my multi-hour wait to see my endocrinologist (she is totally worth the wait, by the way), I heard a segment on the local news where people call in to a doctor and ask the doctor their questions in the doctor's realm of expertise. Today's subject was acid reflux. The first patient called in about how his prescription was really expensive and he had to take a lot of it. The doctor suggested he talk with his physician about switching to a different prescription and possibly having surgery. The other caller had a peds question, and the doctor said she didn't practice peds.

This irritated me for two reasons. First, the doctor on the show never once asked, "What are you putting in your body?" or "What kind of lifestyle do you live?" Now, I know some people just have reflux, but having been through my own medical problems, something I know about reflux is diet and lifestyle can significantly impact it. The doctor stuck to drugs and surgery as a solution. The other thing that bothered me was the people calling in were not calling their own doctor with their problems.

If your doctor will not listen to your concerns, fire him or her. Go to another doctor who will. If this is not an option, do not hesitate to push for a solution or complain to someone higher up (cheif of medicine, perhaps). If anything, ask a lot of questions, such as what are some alternatives to medicine/surgery, why the problem is occuring, what is the exact diagnosis, and what does it mean.

When I (finally) got back to see the doctor, I met with an intern first. He did a great job of doing a thorough history with me, but he did not like my resistance to take medicine for my thyroid. I have Grave's disease, which is an autoimmune type of hyperthyroidism. From what I have been told, many Grave's patients do not go into remission like I tend to. But, since I will go into remission without detrimental side effects (i.e. no symptoms of it affecting my heart or other major organs), I opt to wait and see if I will go into remission in a few weeks (with regular monitoring). The side effects of the drugs, combined with my history of going into remission fairly quickly, makes me not want to take the drugs. I also do not want a more permanent solution to my Grave's disease, like radioactive iodine, where I will have to take another drug with ill side effects for the long term.

Because I felt like he wasn't understanding where I was coming from, I reasoned with him. I lost around five years of my life to feeling like absolute crap. I have some more living to do before I start radiation treatments. I also am 29 and childless, but breastfeeding is very important to me and the drugs for hyperthyroidism are not compatible with that. He did argue (somewhat politely) that Synthroid was safe for breastfeeding, since it had the same chemical make up as thyroid hormones. Let's be real here, though. Synthroid is synthetic, man-made hormone, and it does have side effects. If it was totally safe, there would be no ill side effects. It can be passed through breast milk, and while deemed safe for the infant, I just don't know how I feel about the baby getting Synthroid through breast milk.

The intern also did not act as if he supported my decision to opt out of a flu shot. My reasoning? I've never had one before and I am healthy, and I will take my chances. I know if I get the flu and I have a very high temp, trouble breathing, etc. to go to the emergency room. Simply put, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I'm not anti-drug. I just refuse to take something that has possibly ill side effects that is not necessary or will do more harm than good.

My endocrinologist finally saved me from her intern and I had a delightful appointment with her, and we have a proactive plan set up for my PCOS, now that everything else seems to be settling down.

It's a shame that it took me nine years to find a doctor who will proactively treat my PCOS.

Whether or not my endocrinologist agrees with me or actually respects me, I don't know, and I honestly don't care. What matters is she explains what is up with my body, the medicine, and how everything factors in together. She listens to what I say, repeats it back to me, and we reach decisions together on how to manage my illnesses. At the very least, I feel like she respects me as a person and a patient, and I am very satisfied with the care I have received from her. Hello?!? I spent nearly four hours at the doctor today - that's how important she is to me as a provider.

I haven't always been very good at advocating for myself. I've been the person who goes to the doctor with a problem, and does exactly what the doctor says. Sometimes it has worked out very well, other times it has sometimes been a disaster. I'm not anti-drug, anti-surgery, or anti-doctor, I'm pro-informed consent and pro-respect. If you aren't getting those two things, and you're having problems, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your provider or seek out another.

When it comes to what is going on with your body, I encourage everyone to be informed and work with their providers to make the best decisions for themselves. Also, don't let your insurance (or lack thereof) dictate what type of care or treatment you receive. (One time, I had this terrible insurance that would cover only one diagnostic test, and to get insurance to cover it, my doctor was going to put me under general anesthesia and use my surgery benefit. Since I only had one surgery benefit, and I knew I was more than likely going to have surgery, I asked if I could just pay out of pocket for the endoscopy, which is what we ended up doing, and was much cheaper and easier on my body than general anesthesia.)

I have a long road ahead of me to counteract a lifetime of bad habits, but I am so thankful for this crazy journey to put me in the mindset to conquer it, and I am also thankful for providers who will "team up" with me on what path to choose to conquer the battle.

You mean we're almost halfway through with September?

Back in June, while I was on my way to Birmingham for a few days, I got this phone call. A couple of friends who work at L'Occitane at The Summit offered me this thing called a job. Initially, I declined, but as I was entering the most boring stretch of road on the way to the 'Ham, I had some time to think. It's a job offer that I wasn't even seeking. It would be very part time, so I would be able to see how it went with my bi-city lifestyle. It was INCOME. So, I took the job offer as a sign and accepted.

L'Occitane is a wonderful company to work for. They offer competitive wages, they are wonderfully philanthropic, they do their best to respect the environment, they are amazing to their employees, and they strive for excellent customer service. And they sell the only skincare that does not make my skin break out worse. I love L'Occitane. It's like working in a spa.

So, the original plan for the summer was to start the job, kick ass at it, become certified in childbirth education, plan an ah-mazing year of Junior League arrangements, and get a boyfriend.

Well, fast forward three months and two gold stars, and it's two weeks into football season. Um, wasn't it the beginning of June just a couple of weeks ago? I totes forgot to hang the orange and blue bow on my outdoor light last week, when I was in town. Well, at least I kicked ass at my job.

So, in the past three months, I have started a job, succeeded at job, failed miserably at keeping a home and training Gemma, begun wearing makeup and doing my hair and putting effort into an outfit nearly all the time, pined for a boy, had it out with another, discovered a new found love for hair bands, decided to learn bass, endured my first seriously real crush on someone unattainable, had a hippie identity crisis because of said hair band love, and realized that I have yet to start my childbirth education. As my new favorite saying goes, Nikki Sixx would not approve.

Why would Nikki Sixx not approve, you ask? Well, I was pretty much obsessed for a few weeks in August, and I read The Heroin Diaries, The Dirt, and This Is Gonna Hurt. In This Is Gonna Hurt, the wonderful Mr. Sixx encourages his readers to follow their passions and actually do them, instead of coming up with excuses not to. It was at this time I realized the job had to go (at least for now).

In a few weeks, I will be starting my childbirth education certfication, and in a few months, I will be going back to school to do my pre-requisites for osteopathy school. I am going to be a doctor, good grades and excellent MCAT scores permitting. I'm going to commit to Auburn until May, then possibly move back to Birmingham for the rest of the pre-reqs, so I can be closer to family. IF I do that, and IF L'Occitane has some availability to work me back in, I will be going back to work there. Big IFs, people. It's not that I want to move back to Birmingham, it's just a lot easier to keep up the grades and balance personal life there. Plus, I will be committing to at least four years of intense study in Auburn again.

Identity crisis: Averted

Well, y'all, it's been quite a few weeks.

After Motley Crue, I just didn't find myself as excited about going to see Robert Plant, and, later, Phish. I don't know what it was, but all of a sudden, I found myself not caring about the hippie shows. Por ejemplo, I just couldn't bring myself to wear my tie dye maxi skirt and lace scarf to the Robert Plant show. I went all glam-boho-rocker to it.

For Phish, I really gave myself a pep talk, and said, "Hey, Paige. It's cool. You're going to feel a whole lot better wearing a skirt or dress, and you're going to want to not wear a colored knit. It's just one night. You can glam out later on."

Luckily, the little pep talk worked and I'm feeling back to my normal hippie self. I've always felt like my style was bohemian-with-an-edge, so I wasn't so surprised at the rocker-edge looks I'd been channeling. It was the lack of bohemian desire I was surprised about.

I even remembered how to do my jam dances.

All is right with the world again.

Btdubs ... Guess who was out until almost 4:30 this morning? Since there's no way it could be me, I'm just going to tell y'all. It was SO me. What's up?!? I'm a bit delirious from lack of sleep, but we went to the Phish concert, went to Avondale Brewery, and went to Marty's for a grilled cheese. Nommy. And I called it a night around the 4:00 hour.

The Great Friend Purge of 2012

Living an on-the-go, bi-city lifestyle, I have been pondering the best way to purge my wardrobe and belongings, but still have something left for decorating a home. Since I haven't gotten around to the purging of the clothes, I decided to purge the Facebook friends.

So, if you heard about this blog through Facebook, you're safe.

A few years ago, my cousin introduced me to a bunch of Sorority Life players so I would have "sisters" in my "house." I rarely interact with them, but I was kind of over some of the things they would post, and I wasn't sure how I felt about them seeing me on Facebook, but me not knowing them in real life.

Purge.

Then, there are some people I do know in real life, but I really am not friends with them anymore and we don't interact, and I would see stupid things they post.

Unfriend.

Then, the other day, there was someone in my family.

What had happened was ... she posted something ignorant about politics.

I have no problem with opposing viewpoints. I realize I am part of a minority in Alabama, being a liberal and all, but the thing is, I am OVER being ostracized for my political beliefs.

In April, I had some friends over for a little birthday party/craft night at my place in Auburn. All of a sudden, it was "You're pro-Obama?!?!" Like it is the worst thing in the world to be." Honestly, there are things more important than money and watching Fox News and reading/hearing/repeating untrue things (i.e. the new healthcare bill will create death panels ... not true, and don't get me started on "death panels" and our current healthcare system).

 On Sunday morning, I woke up to see some story about a little girl who wants to be President someday and the first thing she wants to do as President is help all the homeless and poor people. So, the little girl's neighbor says, "Hey, I can pay you fifty dollars to do my yardwork and you can go give it all to the homeless man at the grocery store." In the story, the girl thinks that is ludicrous and the girls parents quit speaking to the neighbor.

It just pissed me off. Pure ignorance.

We don't give away our entire paycheck to others and that's not what being a "liberal democrat" is all about.

I'm not going around bashing "conservative Republicans" because I disagree with them. I don't go around spreading ignorant stories bashing their political beliefs.

I want to clear the negativity out of my life, and one great way to do that is Facebook.

Unfriend, cousin.

The time I almost met (and married) a rock star

I hope I get this opportunity again, because a do-over would be ... well, amazeballs.

Last year, I saw Motley Crue for the first time. I knew of the members, except Tommy Lee, who I knew about and knew who he is. (You can't be a child of the 90's without having seen knowing about Tommy and Pamela.) In fact, I honestly think yesterday was the first time I ever saw Tommy Lee fully clothed. I was in awe the entire show ... the pyrotechnics, the energy, the NOISE (ohmysoul, I am beginning to think I have a TBI from last year's show).

So, yesterday, I was pulling into the parking lot to see KISS and Motley Crue, and there are several buses and RVs in the lot. Not thinking anything of it, I was a bit perturbed when a huge van was blocking my way into the lot. Well, until we all noticed TOMMY freaking LEE!!!

What had happened was ...

Paige: Grrr. Woman, when you gonna move your big old van and let me in? Grrrr. Grrrr.

Everybody in Paige's car: [Start looking around, fixate to left of car, near the RVs and buses] It's Tommy Lee! I can't believe it's Tommy Lee!

Paige: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! It's Tommy Lee. [Thinking, get yo' camera, sista!]

Tommy Lee goes back into the bus.

Paige and her crew: Crap! He went back in. Maybe he'll come back out.

Tommy Lee comes back out, with NIKKI SIXX right behind him!!!!

I take a quick picture, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! a little bit more, "Ohmigosh I got Tommy Lee's picture!"

Then, the van moves and I start driving to park, and think, "I should have quit 'eeeeeeeee-ing' and just rolled down the window and said, "Yo, Tommy, Nikki, what's up?!?"

I didn't even realize my dream man, Nikki Sixx was right behind Tommy Lee.

Love at first freaking sight, y'all. If only he'd seen me. (I was wearing a KISS shirt, though. Totally should have thrown the Crue shirt in the car, to be safe. Oops.)

Motley Crue was absolutely freaking fabulous, as always. I totally drooled over Nikki Sixx the whole time and boogied so hard when it came time for KISS, I was definitely worn out. KISS put on a fabulous show as well, Paul Stanley was awesome.

Possibly fun moment #2 of the night was when Paul Stanley was about to venture into the audience and said, "well, I can't go without an invitation," and there was a lull, and Ricky yells, "33!" (our box number). I was kind of hoping Paul would take us up on the invite, but no dice.

After the show, I dropped off Keri and (her) Tommy at her place, and LA and I went back to the 'Funk to find Ricky and Michelle. We swooned some more and I squealed even more. Unfortunately, they bands didn't want to after party at the 'Funk like Poison did last year. Bummer :(

So, Motley Crue, WE LOVE YOU! Come back anytime, and after party with us at Nana's! (And KISS, y'all are awesome too, but in the future, please, please, please play "Dr. Love.")

Am I the girl all the bad guys want?

I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment tonight.

The past few days, I've been wondering why I attract creeps and losers. I'm not that kind of person, so why is it they seem to want me?
I can't say much about what's going on, but suffice it to say a certain person from my past didn't handle being turned down very well and got a bit pushy about things over some text messages and I had to get mean and absolutely put on the brakes. Sad. I'm physically safe, and I do not feel physically threatened, so, I'm safe. No worries. Just going through some emotional stuff.

As a result, I have officially lost one of my most favorite friends. He is not the same person he was back in the day, and I had low expectations of that ever changing, but until the other night, there was always hope.
Not anymore. Because after what he sent me, I don't think my mother would ever allow us to be friends anymore. (This coming from a 29-year-old...)

This got me wondering about the creeps and losers.

Is it too hard to ask for a guy who has some class, treats women (and everything) with respect, and is intelligent? And NOT creepy? I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty freaking fabulous! I need someone who is as fabulous, or more, as a mate. And he needs to be a strong person, willing and able to stand for justice. (Even more awesome would be if he's down for some traveling and music festivals and other hippie-licious LEGAL activities.)

Of course, there's always the attraction factor. Honestly, though, if he's all of the above, I have confidence attraction will come.

While listening to Bowling for Soup tonight, the lyrics of "Girl All the Bad Guys Want" really hit home with me. The singer is talking about this girl all the bad guys want and he just thinks he's this loser who is so not at her level of cool and he wishes she would acknowledge him. I'm thinking, "but if you only knew me, I'd give you a shot."

I don't think I have ever really, directly bemoaned why the good guys don't notice me until now. I want a good guy. I pray for a good guy. I am ready for a good guy. Good guys with loser girlfriends, get rid of the losers and find me.

I started taking more pride in my appearance. I own very few pairs of sweatpants and pajama pants. I rarely wear them out of the house. I do my hair and makeup on a regular basis. I am an upstanding citizen with a college degree, hundreds of hours of volunteer work, who lives to have fun. I cook, I am nurturing, and I have other passions outside of pregnancy and childbirth and Widespread Panic concerts. (I just need to sit down and think and make a list. And get down to business about being involved with those passions, as well.)

And I will stand by my affirmation that I would rather be single than settle for less than I deserve.

I do not think I am the girl all the bad guys want, but apparently, they think otherwise.

My story, it kind of sucks, but it will be okay

Last week, I sent a rather hastily written email to a blogger I have been following for a few years. And she wrote back to me this week. And she asked me to tell her about me.

I started with the usual history ... born and raised, went to college, moved back home, moved back to college town kind of. And then, I thought it might be helpful to explain a little about why I made the choices I did, and how I ended up doing freelance work. So, out comes the sick story.

It sucks that I pretty much lost a few years of my life to being sick. Not deathly sick, just too sick feeling to do anything. The kind of sick that makes you a total homebody and makes all your friends think you just want to stay at home with the boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I loved the Space-man, but I didn't spend all THAT much time with him when we lived together. He went out to his friend's bachelor pad nearly every night to watch some sporting event.

I went through the pity party. I went through the "why can't I just catch a break?" And now, I am at the "this is why I am the way I am."

I have some limitations. I can't party all night like I used to. (Not that I really want to, because I love my sleep and I love my mornings.) I can't clean an entire house, or tiny apartment, in one day. Some days, I just can't do much of anything.

But, those days are getting further and further apart.

I recently saw something or read something where someone said something (yes, all the "some"s are getting to me) to the effect of when you're down, you know God is working on something big for you. And He is. I just never felt Him stir my soul, guiding me on a certain path. I don't know how far I veered off from His plan for me, but I do know all that I have been through has led me to a place where I am closer, and more at peace (most of the time) with what He has in store.

For example, I lived with my ex boyfriend. Not my proudest moment, and I would be lying if I said I regretted it and I didn't enjoy it. We spent nearly all of our time together anyway, and we were both going through some things where it just made sense for us to take that step. But that step is what confirmed I really did want to be married. And that is why we finally broke up.

I finally, finally, finally, finally, broke up with Space, and a few days later, meet a guy (who ended up being a loser), and then a few weeks later, meet another guy, who turned out to be quite awesome. A long time later, I still don't have even a boyfriend, but I feel like one is coming. I hope. Sooner than later.

I have no father figures left in my life, but that's okay. It means I can have a glass of champagne at my wedding and not worry someone is going to fall off the wagon. It also means gift giving has gotten a lot easier. And it means while others are off celebrating Father's Day, I can have my pick of massage appointments.

I felt like crap for years, but once I began to mend, I started making up for lost time. I learned to make time for myself and be a little selfish. If no one else is going to spoil me the way I want to be spoiled, I will. It encouraged me to give myself permission to actually live the hippie lifestyle I always wanted.

Yes, I am quite embarrassed at how flaky I appear to be, but honestly, I am having a good time doing it.

Everything is going to be just the way it is meant to be, and it will be fine, because that is what it is meant to be.