Yesterday sucked. I had a really shitty day. It started great. I woke up earlier than I needed to, got errands run, parked illegally at UAB and didn't get a parking ticket (score!), and then I went to the doctor. Like with the tests I was given to take home and collect samples on myself, I didn't fully comprehend everything while I was being told. Heterozygously positive for two mutations of the MTHFR gene, yeast, yeast allergy, anxiety, depression, approved food list, more results to come (and then there was the, "Wow! You must have a really healthy diet! Some things could be better, but you're actually pretty healthy." Don't let my obesity fool you. I may not look it, but other than feeling like crap, I am actually healthy.) ... Yeah, it was a lot. And it was presented so matter-of-fact and focused on how managing the results will make me feel so much better, that, well, the reality didn't set in until I left. And then some things happened later, completely unrelated to this, and that capped off my day. Ugh!
When I looked more closely at the yeast thing, all I wanted to tell someone was, "I'm fu[dged]." And I did tell one person that.
I've written my health journey out before. Well, in bits and pieces. But, basically, a little over seven years ago, I started feeling nauseous and fatigued and I had this annoying, intermittent pain on my stomach. Doctors, endoscopy, ultrasounds, CT scan, bloodwork, a frantic call to my gynecologist (family history of ovarian cancer, personal history of ovarian cysts, GI troubles - an early warning sign of ovarian cancer, and, BOOM! I'm in my gynecologist's office) ... nothing. More doctors, waiting, tweaking medications to manage GI symptoms (and oh my word, the side effects!) ... nothing. New GI doc, more tests (radioactive tests are no fun, by the way ... nausea that can't be cured by taking a phenergan, edginess, sluggishness, irritability ... they don't tell you about all that). Saw a surgeon. Had my gall bladder removed. Still nauseated. Still fatigued. Only I have holes in my abdomen from infected incisions and they heal up leaving painful knots. (And to this day, if I sneeze the wrong way, I end up with an intense pain coming from one of them.) Oh, and I get this random, intense pressure feeling across my mid back a few times a week, usually between 4 AM and 6 AM that lasts about 20 minutes and takes a couple hours to sleep off because it takes that much out of me. Pain and fatigue symptoms worsen. Start getting tendinitis everywhere possible. Thyroid is crazy. ANA (autoimmune marker) barely positive. Three endocrinologists later and I have one confirmed autoimmune disease (Graves) that flares up with the other undiagnosed autoimmune (lupus? something else?). Occasional migraines. It just doesn't stop. And we don't know what is actually wrong, and how many things, creating all these problems.
I don't think some people realize how nauseated I get. As for the pain, I'm so used to it, I don't always notice it. I just keep on trucking at reduced levels.
Dealing with my health problems has been very overwhelming the past seven years. I don't talk about it as much as I should because if I did, that is all people would hear. I also like having the escape from it (if I don't talk about it and ignore how I feel, then I can pretend it doesn't exist). In addition to it being emotionally draining to not know what is wrong with me, only having clues based on what some medical tests about me may say and from paying attention to how my body reacts after I eat certain foods or do certain things, it's also financially draining. Going to the doctor and having all kinds of tests run is expensive, with or without insurance. Fighting for my right to access to healthcare, when I already feel so horrible doesn't help anything. And then there is the cynicism that comes when I am getting a new test run. After the first few times, I conditioned myself not to expect anything.
When people ask me why I feel like I do, and if I have seen a doctor and why if I've seen a doctor I don't know what's wrong, I really don't know how to respond. And it's awkward to be put on the spot when you're the one feeling bad. When people ask me how I could get sore after playing cornhole, that's one of those things about what is wrong with me. Or when I'm nauseated, people think I'm contagious with a stomach bug. People put me on the defensive all the time without realizing it.
Yes, I look physically able, but I'm not as physically able as I should be and I'm not as physically able as I would like. I have had to completely change my life because of this, but I try not to dwell on my past aspirations and instead focus on future ones. Living is draining, but I do it anyway because I know no matter what I will feel bad and I may as well have some fun feeling that way. If I told people how I actually felt every day, we wouldn't have time to talk about anything else. And everyone would just be really depressed.
So, back to yesterday... Yeast. Yeast, yeast, yeast. I'm allergic to it. My levels are over three times what the maximum level of normal range is. There are some other things that showed up that are managed by cutting out yeast. All I could think of was, "And I mentally prepared myself to hear that I have cancer." (Because, well, that's what I thought could be the worst case scenario and as long as it wasn't gluten, I could face it.) Well, it's worse than gluten. And it's not going to kill me. But, it's worse than a gluten allergy. Not to make this sound worse than cancer, but it's very life altering. And the treatment isn't very healthy. (And, I do know a little about how cancer affects people. My Granny had ovarian cancer when I was 15. And that's really bad and really scary, but she survived it. I figured if she and the rest of the family could get through that, well, I could get through it, too. Not that it would be easy, but it definitely wouldn't have been our first rodeo.)
I was given a list of approved foods. Yeast is in so much that when you can't eat it, it's easier to give a list of foods you can have, instead of what you need to avoid. I'll link to that list in a separate tab. Click here for link.
Unfortunately, this is not going to be a healthy diet. I will have to take supplements because I won't be able to get all the nutrients I should have from food. It should make me feel a lot better, but it is something I will have to strictly follow for six months. After that, I can test out "cheat days" and decide how often and how worth it they really are. This is a lifetime thing. And it is very life altering. No bread, no sugar, no alcohol, no starches, no dairy (except plain yogurt), mostly no fruits (lemon, coconut, cranberry and rhubarb are acceptable), and miscellaneous other items in varying categories (no peanuts, carrots, corn, pork, condiments, and probably more I haven't realized yet). There are yeast free fad diets that can be viewed online, but they are more generous than what the information my doctor gave me will allow. It's going to be okay.
I'm making my peace with it, but I also know this is going to royally suck. I can't just go out to eat. I can't just make a sandwich. I have to plan ahead and plan thoughtfully. I can't just go over to someone's house for dinner, and going out of town for a night ... I don't know. So, if you don't want to follow the list of approved foods when you want to cook for me, don't be ashamed, embarrassed, or angry when I bring my own food with me.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
In. Your. Face.
While I was a student at UAB, there was a strong air of superiority permeating the campus climate. My first week there, I realized very quickly that UAB was no Auburn. As my first semester wore on, my realization proved correct countless times.
I would wear my Auburn sweatshirt hoodie (not intending to be disrespectful to UAB, it was just my most comfortable, beloved article of clothing) and hear ugly comments downing Auburn. I would be loaded down with books and whatnot, trying to enter a building, only to have a person eighteen inches in front of me let a door slam in my face. I would hear the groans in Freshman and Sophomore level classes the first day when professors announced we would be writing a three to five page paper by the end of the semester. I would deal with drivers who didn't know how to yield to pedestrians. I would hear comments describing how UAB was such a wonderful institution, focused on academics over football. I did my partying in a bar and my shopping by myself. I wasted a good portion of my day with a full back pack and, usually, an additional bag to carry all my stuff I needed for the day, waiting around for the next class to start.
Well, UAB, suck on this: Auburn was just named the best research university in the state by TheBestSchools.org.
Not only does Auburn excel at football, we also do in academics.
I didn't have the best GPA while I was at Auburn. (Although, it was steadily increasing, following a rough first semester.) I didn't party all the time, but when I did, I really threw down. I always had a shopping buddy on hand. I witnessed many an Auburn man fall over himself sprinting to open a door for me, and other ladies, from 30 yards away. Football was interesting. Classmates were cordial and pleasant. When we did see someone wearing an Alabama item, we just assumed they lost a bet and didn't address the situation. And walking back and forth to my apartment during breaks between classes, I never once had to question if a car would stop for me while I was crossing the street.
My GPA at UAB skyrocketed. First, I've been writing three to five page papers since I was in junior high, if not late elementary school. Second, those rigid academic expectations at Auburn that were GPA killers for me? UAB had nothing on them. Everything was a breeze.
Liberal Arts academics at UAB were such a joke, in some classes, when I got my grades back at the end of a semester and found a B staring at me for a class I rocked, I couldn't contain the panty wadding. I made A's on all of my tests (one was something like a 98 or 99, and I was marked off on a technicality). I read all the books. The final was a freaking take home, open book final. I showed up for class more than the professor. I also had to force myself not to answer too many times during discussions, when only the first two rows of students seemed to participate. So, imagine my increased blood pressure when the professor emailed me back saying s/he generously gave me a passing participation grade for showing up on discussion days, but not actively participating. Um, said professor acknowledged my comments every discussion. When I went to our meeting to go over my final, I was told my final might have been graded a bit harshly, which, upon further inspection by the professor, I was given some extra points to make the total semester grade an A. But, still, to this day, the whole discussion and attendance thing pisses me off.
And don't even get me started on my grad school professor who, also, didn't show up for class very often, and even though I didn't complete all the assignments, blessed me with a stellar passing A or B. And that was from someone who is training the future educators of this world. Oh, the irony.
So, in summation, Auburn rocks. Both at football and academics. Rant over.
I would wear my Auburn sweatshirt hoodie (not intending to be disrespectful to UAB, it was just my most comfortable, beloved article of clothing) and hear ugly comments downing Auburn. I would be loaded down with books and whatnot, trying to enter a building, only to have a person eighteen inches in front of me let a door slam in my face. I would hear the groans in Freshman and Sophomore level classes the first day when professors announced we would be writing a three to five page paper by the end of the semester. I would deal with drivers who didn't know how to yield to pedestrians. I would hear comments describing how UAB was such a wonderful institution, focused on academics over football. I did my partying in a bar and my shopping by myself. I wasted a good portion of my day with a full back pack and, usually, an additional bag to carry all my stuff I needed for the day, waiting around for the next class to start.
Well, UAB, suck on this: Auburn was just named the best research university in the state by TheBestSchools.org.
Not only does Auburn excel at football, we also do in academics.
I didn't have the best GPA while I was at Auburn. (Although, it was steadily increasing, following a rough first semester.) I didn't party all the time, but when I did, I really threw down. I always had a shopping buddy on hand. I witnessed many an Auburn man fall over himself sprinting to open a door for me, and other ladies, from 30 yards away. Football was interesting. Classmates were cordial and pleasant. When we did see someone wearing an Alabama item, we just assumed they lost a bet and didn't address the situation. And walking back and forth to my apartment during breaks between classes, I never once had to question if a car would stop for me while I was crossing the street.
My GPA at UAB skyrocketed. First, I've been writing three to five page papers since I was in junior high, if not late elementary school. Second, those rigid academic expectations at Auburn that were GPA killers for me? UAB had nothing on them. Everything was a breeze.
Liberal Arts academics at UAB were such a joke, in some classes, when I got my grades back at the end of a semester and found a B staring at me for a class I rocked, I couldn't contain the panty wadding. I made A's on all of my tests (one was something like a 98 or 99, and I was marked off on a technicality). I read all the books. The final was a freaking take home, open book final. I showed up for class more than the professor. I also had to force myself not to answer too many times during discussions, when only the first two rows of students seemed to participate. So, imagine my increased blood pressure when the professor emailed me back saying s/he generously gave me a passing participation grade for showing up on discussion days, but not actively participating. Um, said professor acknowledged my comments every discussion. When I went to our meeting to go over my final, I was told my final might have been graded a bit harshly, which, upon further inspection by the professor, I was given some extra points to make the total semester grade an A. But, still, to this day, the whole discussion and attendance thing pisses me off.
And don't even get me started on my grad school professor who, also, didn't show up for class very often, and even though I didn't complete all the assignments, blessed me with a stellar passing A or B. And that was from someone who is training the future educators of this world. Oh, the irony.
So, in summation, Auburn rocks. Both at football and academics. Rant over.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 in Review
Coming to you from Birmingham, Alabama (not Atlanta, Georgia, as originally planned), listening to Widespread Panic NYE via Sirius XM channel 29 on my computer (not live from Phillips Arena, as originally planned) ...
Let's see if I can remember much of 2013 before these past few months ...
January - Rang in the new year in Auburn, sleeping, with a broken toe. Enjoyed Mo's company the next day, night, and following morning (dinner at Arricia, pedis and lunch at Amsterdam the next day). Went back to Birmingham for a bit. Sold Allie the Acura, bought a minivan that didn't fit in my garage, returned it (thank you, CarMax!) and headed back to Auburn in Mom's car to prepare for League Aid.
February - Got out of the broken toe boot. League Aid. Huge surprise success! Returned to Birmingham, bought a Subaru Forester and cursed the car every time I got in it. Kid Rock concert. (I think some people hadn't left their Y2K shelters since he busted out on the scene.) Finally got down Christmas decorations at the tail end of the month.
March - Ummm ... pretty much consumed with planning for turning 30. And I started shooting whiskey. Straight up. Word.
April - Bought myself a VW Eos for my birthday and it is THE BEST CAR I HAVE EVER OWNED. Saw Dave Matthews Band. Turned 30 (Lakeview pub and street vendor crawl, sleep, Avondale Brewery, Melting Pot with family and close friends, attempted "Mad Men" viewing party). Woke up one morning in a panic due to my apparent biological clock. Got over the panic. Rusted Root concert. Grand hippie road trip to Atlanta - Black Crowes, Widespread Panic x2. Additionally in ATL, ate some good food (Mary Mac's, Daddy D'z), Little Five Points, GA Aquarium, Underground ATL, got drunk with these cool folks on a Botanical Gardens tour. Alice in Chains concert.
May - Tim McGraw concert, Toad the Wet Sprocket concert. Started house hunting, ummmmm... I don't know if I'm going to want to remember the Cigar Bar night or not. That's a good story. It required a couple nights in Auburn to decompress before heading to Knoxville. But before I could go to Knoxville, I had a special night planned with a special friend. The night went horribly awry and there are some crazy pictures to prove it.
June - Wow. At first, it seemed rather uneventful, then I remember how it started. After that horribly awry night, my special friend ended up passed out in my foyer and upon waking up on June 1, we spent a wonderful morning napping off the night before and getting to know each other better. Nothing naughty or scandalous. Just cementing a friendship. I headed off to Knoxville, had to stay the night when I was almost an hour away because the weather was THAT bad. Was totally in my element in Knoxville. And it was hot for once. Two nights of Widespread. Got back to Birmingham and let the house hunt continue ... Lilly acted a slut ... was either drugged or I learned my limit on Fireball the hard way ... house hunt.
July - House hunt. Boy drama. Widespread Panic. Wow. It was awesome! House hunt.
August - Moved out of the townhouse, into Mom's house and storage. Matchbox 20/Goo Goo Dolls concert. Started the final preparations to close on the new place. Spent a lot of time in Auburn this month. Drank a lot. Cursed a lot. Feared a nervous breakdown. Oh, and hello, football season! Joined a pool league.
September - Football. Football. Got a new baby cousin. Mumford & Sons concert. Junior League of Birmingham kicks off. Black Crowes with Space. Closed on house. Made sweet memories. Mom's birthday. Moved out of storage.
October - Widespread in Tuscaloosa. Auburn weekend with Space. Started work on house. Felt like I had a boyfriend for about two weeks. Montgomery for Sarah and Ian's wedding reception. Got sick. Halloween.
November - What?!? Where did October go? Honestly, at this point right now, I would love to have October and the first half of November back. I spent the first half of the month in the throes of rental drama, home repairs stalled, trying to stay warm at night, and just overall stressed. Then Granny died. It was so unexpected and so, so sad. Auburn beat Georgia. Alabama concerts. Auburn moved up two spots on the BCS and didn't even play that week. (That's when I knew something really special was happening.) Thanksgiving. Auburn won the Iron Bowl. And I started to kick a little ass at pool, finally.
December - Auburn won the SEC championship! And Ohio State lost their conference championship! Nana Funks annual Christmas party. Got a pedicure, the pedicurist yanked my formerly broken toe a little too hard, and well, my annual Christmas party, Christmas, got to the podiatrist, and me and my left little toe have come full circle since last year. And that, my friends, is why I am not in Atlanta. I didn't think it wise to be flying solo, bundled up, toting my poster tube across my chest and my Kavu backpack across my back, hobbling around downtown Atlanta on New Year's Eve and braving a concert in the boot.
I think I went to more concerts than I mentioned. I just can't remember them all. Oops :( Concert of the year definitely goes to Alice in Chains. Ohmigosh. That show was so beautiful and energizing! Loved it! Now, I really enjoyed some Widespread, and although I missed a total of six shows I intended to go to, I will have to put Widespread in their own category and say that the Birmingham and Spring Atlanta shows were the best, and there is no way to compare the two to determine which was actually the best show.
Let's see ... advice of the year: if something feels wrong about a house deal, don't go through with it. So much was wrong with other places, and this one really was in the best structural condition, but the negotiation was so not worth it. I said so many times I was over it and done with the deal, and there were so many opportunities for me to get out of it, and I don't think people really took me seriously when I said I didn't want the house any more. I couldn't even take myself seriously. I was so stressed I had no idea whether my decision was based on anxiety or truth. I've only spent three scattered nights in my new place and I had someone spend the night with me. That house is creepy at night and even though things are moving along, I just feel like it's stalled. And I really don't care. Honestly, I am terrified of living by myself in that house and there have been so many painful memories and emotions because of it I am beginning to resent the house a little bit.
So, I had a lot of fun this year, but I also experienced a lot of emotional pain. I'm ready to clean slate this bitch and move forward.
In the new year, I will ...
Be conscientious of how I treat myself. I'm not going to treat myself to mani pedis, massages, nights in hotels, room service, fancy meals, happy hours, retail therapy, etc, just because I had a bad day or week and/or just felt like I needed it. I'll still do all that to a degree, but not justify it as a band aid for the real problems. Instead, I am going to focus on nourishing myself in a positive way. My me-time and personal treats are not going to be mostly empty any more. Since I'm gaining confidence and skill in pool, I am going to pursue that. I am going to keep up with the bass and try to focus more to excel in that. Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I'll start going to church. (I really, truly intend to, but I also have intended to since February, and every week, Sunday rolls around, and I'm either out of town or forget what day it is.) Maybe, if I'm not obsessively house hunting, recovering from pneumonia, or experiencing a broken/near broken toe, I'll start working the gym back into my life. Maybe, if I ever feel comfortable in my home, I'll start cooking all those healthy, delicious meals I used to cook, and try a few new dishes out.
Force myself to go to Auburn for at least a few days every month. I'm keeping my "vacation condo" for a reason, and I better put it to good use.
Sell at least one item from Queen B.
Let's see if I can remember much of 2013 before these past few months ...
January - Rang in the new year in Auburn, sleeping, with a broken toe. Enjoyed Mo's company the next day, night, and following morning (dinner at Arricia, pedis and lunch at Amsterdam the next day). Went back to Birmingham for a bit. Sold Allie the Acura, bought a minivan that didn't fit in my garage, returned it (thank you, CarMax!) and headed back to Auburn in Mom's car to prepare for League Aid.
February - Got out of the broken toe boot. League Aid. Huge surprise success! Returned to Birmingham, bought a Subaru Forester and cursed the car every time I got in it. Kid Rock concert. (I think some people hadn't left their Y2K shelters since he busted out on the scene.) Finally got down Christmas decorations at the tail end of the month.
March - Ummm ... pretty much consumed with planning for turning 30. And I started shooting whiskey. Straight up. Word.
April - Bought myself a VW Eos for my birthday and it is THE BEST CAR I HAVE EVER OWNED. Saw Dave Matthews Band. Turned 30 (Lakeview pub and street vendor crawl, sleep, Avondale Brewery, Melting Pot with family and close friends, attempted "Mad Men" viewing party). Woke up one morning in a panic due to my apparent biological clock. Got over the panic. Rusted Root concert. Grand hippie road trip to Atlanta - Black Crowes, Widespread Panic x2. Additionally in ATL, ate some good food (Mary Mac's, Daddy D'z), Little Five Points, GA Aquarium, Underground ATL, got drunk with these cool folks on a Botanical Gardens tour. Alice in Chains concert.
May - Tim McGraw concert, Toad the Wet Sprocket concert. Started house hunting, ummmmm... I don't know if I'm going to want to remember the Cigar Bar night or not. That's a good story. It required a couple nights in Auburn to decompress before heading to Knoxville. But before I could go to Knoxville, I had a special night planned with a special friend. The night went horribly awry and there are some crazy pictures to prove it.
June - Wow. At first, it seemed rather uneventful, then I remember how it started. After that horribly awry night, my special friend ended up passed out in my foyer and upon waking up on June 1, we spent a wonderful morning napping off the night before and getting to know each other better. Nothing naughty or scandalous. Just cementing a friendship. I headed off to Knoxville, had to stay the night when I was almost an hour away because the weather was THAT bad. Was totally in my element in Knoxville. And it was hot for once. Two nights of Widespread. Got back to Birmingham and let the house hunt continue ... Lilly acted a slut ... was either drugged or I learned my limit on Fireball the hard way ... house hunt.
July - House hunt. Boy drama. Widespread Panic. Wow. It was awesome! House hunt.
August - Moved out of the townhouse, into Mom's house and storage. Matchbox 20/Goo Goo Dolls concert. Started the final preparations to close on the new place. Spent a lot of time in Auburn this month. Drank a lot. Cursed a lot. Feared a nervous breakdown. Oh, and hello, football season! Joined a pool league.
September - Football. Football. Got a new baby cousin. Mumford & Sons concert. Junior League of Birmingham kicks off. Black Crowes with Space. Closed on house. Made sweet memories. Mom's birthday. Moved out of storage.
October - Widespread in Tuscaloosa. Auburn weekend with Space. Started work on house. Felt like I had a boyfriend for about two weeks. Montgomery for Sarah and Ian's wedding reception. Got sick. Halloween.
November - What?!? Where did October go? Honestly, at this point right now, I would love to have October and the first half of November back. I spent the first half of the month in the throes of rental drama, home repairs stalled, trying to stay warm at night, and just overall stressed. Then Granny died. It was so unexpected and so, so sad. Auburn beat Georgia. Alabama concerts. Auburn moved up two spots on the BCS and didn't even play that week. (That's when I knew something really special was happening.) Thanksgiving. Auburn won the Iron Bowl. And I started to kick a little ass at pool, finally.
December - Auburn won the SEC championship! And Ohio State lost their conference championship! Nana Funks annual Christmas party. Got a pedicure, the pedicurist yanked my formerly broken toe a little too hard, and well, my annual Christmas party, Christmas, got to the podiatrist, and me and my left little toe have come full circle since last year. And that, my friends, is why I am not in Atlanta. I didn't think it wise to be flying solo, bundled up, toting my poster tube across my chest and my Kavu backpack across my back, hobbling around downtown Atlanta on New Year's Eve and braving a concert in the boot.
I think I went to more concerts than I mentioned. I just can't remember them all. Oops :( Concert of the year definitely goes to Alice in Chains. Ohmigosh. That show was so beautiful and energizing! Loved it! Now, I really enjoyed some Widespread, and although I missed a total of six shows I intended to go to, I will have to put Widespread in their own category and say that the Birmingham and Spring Atlanta shows were the best, and there is no way to compare the two to determine which was actually the best show.
Let's see ... advice of the year: if something feels wrong about a house deal, don't go through with it. So much was wrong with other places, and this one really was in the best structural condition, but the negotiation was so not worth it. I said so many times I was over it and done with the deal, and there were so many opportunities for me to get out of it, and I don't think people really took me seriously when I said I didn't want the house any more. I couldn't even take myself seriously. I was so stressed I had no idea whether my decision was based on anxiety or truth. I've only spent three scattered nights in my new place and I had someone spend the night with me. That house is creepy at night and even though things are moving along, I just feel like it's stalled. And I really don't care. Honestly, I am terrified of living by myself in that house and there have been so many painful memories and emotions because of it I am beginning to resent the house a little bit.
So, I had a lot of fun this year, but I also experienced a lot of emotional pain. I'm ready to clean slate this bitch and move forward.
In the new year, I will ...
Be conscientious of how I treat myself. I'm not going to treat myself to mani pedis, massages, nights in hotels, room service, fancy meals, happy hours, retail therapy, etc, just because I had a bad day or week and/or just felt like I needed it. I'll still do all that to a degree, but not justify it as a band aid for the real problems. Instead, I am going to focus on nourishing myself in a positive way. My me-time and personal treats are not going to be mostly empty any more. Since I'm gaining confidence and skill in pool, I am going to pursue that. I am going to keep up with the bass and try to focus more to excel in that. Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I'll start going to church. (I really, truly intend to, but I also have intended to since February, and every week, Sunday rolls around, and I'm either out of town or forget what day it is.) Maybe, if I'm not obsessively house hunting, recovering from pneumonia, or experiencing a broken/near broken toe, I'll start working the gym back into my life. Maybe, if I ever feel comfortable in my home, I'll start cooking all those healthy, delicious meals I used to cook, and try a few new dishes out.
Force myself to go to Auburn for at least a few days every month. I'm keeping my "vacation condo" for a reason, and I better put it to good use.
Sell at least one item from Queen B.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Limbo
So, I just have to vent. For once, this isn't about finding a husband or my medical woes. Oddly, I don't feel the urgency or need for those things to be settled right now. It feels good for once, but I guess I have to feel urgency and need about something.
For the past several years, I've been living in two places. It was fun at first, but I longed to be rooted in Auburn. With grandmothers not doing so hot, and always being back in Birmingham, I decided to table the Auburn dream and root back in the 'Ham. My townhouse here never got on the sales market (because there was just no way it would sell at a reasonable price for me), and it never rented out. I considered renting, but let's be real - who would rent to someone with four cats and a dog? Next, I thought about moving back into Mom's house. She pretty much has an apartment in her basement. I offered to do renovations and work to update the basement and make it really nice to live in (it's awesome, just needs some updating), but my brother still lives at her house and that would cut into his music room. All the while, I was peeking on the MLS from time to time, browsing homes for sale.
Last year, I looked at some places. Some were pretty neat, but I really just don't want to live alone right now. It's not that I'm afraid or anything, I just like having people to cook for and be around. I looked at a few places a couple weeks ago and it was a total bust.
This week, I bit the bullet and braved the more expensive homes. I don't want to spend a ton of money on a THIRD home until I get the townhouse figured out, but because the housing market is turning around, homes are higher priced than before, and they are selling quickly, so I feel a little pressure to make my move on something if I like it. I looked at the higher priced homes because I wanted to compare what I would be getting with them against what I would get with the cheaper ones (and I was realizing the amount of money I would spend to update the cheaper ones would come close to costing the price of a more expensive one).
Well, I found a house. I crunched numbers, I took an AWESOME, VERY NICE, VERY INFORMED friend to look at the house yesterday and help me peek around and find ways to justify offering a lower price on the home. We found some problems with it, but all fairly straightforward fixes. I got creative on how to come up with the extra money needed for the higher down payment, and I made an offer. Everyone involved (on my side) was very pleased with the house and excited about the move.
This house was made for me. Open floor plan. garden tub, huge walk-in closet, lots of natural light, awesome basement and other cool features, and not much yard. I researched prices of bumper pool tables and dart board machines, closet built-ins, and wall paper. I made a list of all my furniture and started planning how everything would fit.
Turns out, the house sold yesterday. It was a cash sale, no inspection, barely a contract period (I'm talking a couple of days). I am crushed. The thing is, my best friend from high school and her daughter (my goddaughter) are planning on living with me. This house is a girl's house. It was made for us. And if my townhouse is going to be rented, I have to get the cats out ASAP (because people who don't like cats, and to be fair, are allergic, tend to have extreme reactions to cats having ever been in a house). To get the cats out, I need a place to put them. To have a place to put them, I have to have a place ready to move in. To be ready to move in, I need to have the house painted and any renovations that need to be done, finished to get the cats in. In order to launch my craft business, I need a good workspace, which I don't have in the townhome. In order to start having income, I need to launch my business.
So, back to the title of the post, I'm in limbo. I'm not giving up, but I'm not going to lie: I'm living in complete denial about the house I want. It's still listed as active on the websites, and there's something so shady sounding about the deal, I'm really wanting to believe it's not true. Hopefully, the house will be mine, but I don't want to live in un-reality, either.
It's just a really frustrating time and I am so ready for everything to be settled.
For the past several years, I've been living in two places. It was fun at first, but I longed to be rooted in Auburn. With grandmothers not doing so hot, and always being back in Birmingham, I decided to table the Auburn dream and root back in the 'Ham. My townhouse here never got on the sales market (because there was just no way it would sell at a reasonable price for me), and it never rented out. I considered renting, but let's be real - who would rent to someone with four cats and a dog? Next, I thought about moving back into Mom's house. She pretty much has an apartment in her basement. I offered to do renovations and work to update the basement and make it really nice to live in (it's awesome, just needs some updating), but my brother still lives at her house and that would cut into his music room. All the while, I was peeking on the MLS from time to time, browsing homes for sale.
Last year, I looked at some places. Some were pretty neat, but I really just don't want to live alone right now. It's not that I'm afraid or anything, I just like having people to cook for and be around. I looked at a few places a couple weeks ago and it was a total bust.
This week, I bit the bullet and braved the more expensive homes. I don't want to spend a ton of money on a THIRD home until I get the townhouse figured out, but because the housing market is turning around, homes are higher priced than before, and they are selling quickly, so I feel a little pressure to make my move on something if I like it. I looked at the higher priced homes because I wanted to compare what I would be getting with them against what I would get with the cheaper ones (and I was realizing the amount of money I would spend to update the cheaper ones would come close to costing the price of a more expensive one).
Well, I found a house. I crunched numbers, I took an AWESOME, VERY NICE, VERY INFORMED friend to look at the house yesterday and help me peek around and find ways to justify offering a lower price on the home. We found some problems with it, but all fairly straightforward fixes. I got creative on how to come up with the extra money needed for the higher down payment, and I made an offer. Everyone involved (on my side) was very pleased with the house and excited about the move.
This house was made for me. Open floor plan. garden tub, huge walk-in closet, lots of natural light, awesome basement and other cool features, and not much yard. I researched prices of bumper pool tables and dart board machines, closet built-ins, and wall paper. I made a list of all my furniture and started planning how everything would fit.
Turns out, the house sold yesterday. It was a cash sale, no inspection, barely a contract period (I'm talking a couple of days). I am crushed. The thing is, my best friend from high school and her daughter (my goddaughter) are planning on living with me. This house is a girl's house. It was made for us. And if my townhouse is going to be rented, I have to get the cats out ASAP (because people who don't like cats, and to be fair, are allergic, tend to have extreme reactions to cats having ever been in a house). To get the cats out, I need a place to put them. To have a place to put them, I have to have a place ready to move in. To be ready to move in, I need to have the house painted and any renovations that need to be done, finished to get the cats in. In order to launch my craft business, I need a good workspace, which I don't have in the townhome. In order to start having income, I need to launch my business.
So, back to the title of the post, I'm in limbo. I'm not giving up, but I'm not going to lie: I'm living in complete denial about the house I want. It's still listed as active on the websites, and there's something so shady sounding about the deal, I'm really wanting to believe it's not true. Hopefully, the house will be mine, but I don't want to live in un-reality, either.
It's just a really frustrating time and I am so ready for everything to be settled.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
The people you meet, the places you go
I've met several people on my trip to the ATL area. Most interesting were the people touring botanical gardens all over the United States.
My brother, who had been traveling with me, decided to go back home since he wasn't feeling well. A little bummed, but totally confident, I made my way down to the manager's reception for some snacks and wine. While there, I met the group touring botanical gardens.
It's not an official botanical gardens job, but they do make sure everything is going well and looking good for those of us that enjoy botanicals.
Sounds like a cool job, eh?
Hopefully, they'll holler at me when they get to Birmingham in July and we'll meet up again :)
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My brother, who had been traveling with me, decided to go back home since he wasn't feeling well. A little bummed, but totally confident, I made my way down to the manager's reception for some snacks and wine. While there, I met the group touring botanical gardens.
It's not an official botanical gardens job, but they do make sure everything is going well and looking good for those of us that enjoy botanicals.
Sounds like a cool job, eh?
Hopefully, they'll holler at me when they get to Birmingham in July and we'll meet up again :)
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Friday, April 26, 2013
How much of a spreadhead am I now?
Next, I circled the ones I really wanted to hear and had a good chance of play. Would you know that I got 4 so far? ("Pigeons," "Send Your Mind," "Little Kin," and "Red Hot Mama") I think that's pretty cool. And several were played that were on the master list, but not circled.
So, let's see ... I've traveled to see WP twice so far, I have the ink, I spend about $100/year on tshirts and memorabilia, and I make friends at the shows. The first song I figured out by ear to play on the bass was "Imitation Leather Shoes." I even own several DVDs of shows so I can watch when I'm not seeing them live.
I guess all that's left on the WP bucket list is: be a roadie, take my kids to a show, have them play at my wedding (and other applicable major events), go on tour with the band and crew, finish the tattoo, and see "Bears Gone Fishing," "Fishing," "Sparks Fly," and "Climb to Safety."
I can't wait for tomorrow night!
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Thursday, April 25, 2013
Musings
Yesterday, I had a palm reading at Underground Atlanta.
Being a Christian, it took me a long time to get up the nerve to get a tarot reading, but I voiced my concerns to my first "reader" and she was really cool and respectful. What was supposed to be a 20 minute session turned into an hour because my cards were just really cool. I don't do it to see the future, but to sort out my emotions. If you don't understand what I mean by this and how it's possible to be a Christian and justify fortune telling (for a general purpose term), all I can say is you just have to do it for entertainment purposes to see what I mean. I don't dwell on what they see in my future, but I focus on my question at hand (usually, "WTF am I doing and what should I be doing?") and see what the cards "say." Depending on their "answer," I ponder my feelings about it - not as if it's written in stone, but as a way to explore different paths. It's really hard to explain, but I can say that an hour with tarot cards goes a lot farther than $150 and 50 minutes with a therapist.
Anyway ... So, I got my palms read for the first time yesterday. My reader said I was a creative person and very caring towards others, that I worry too much and I don't write enough, even though I have a talent for it. She also said I wouldn't get married and I wouldn't have kids, so I'm not dwelling on that part. I do believe I have a higher purpose in a relationship, so I'm not sweating it.
But the reading got me thinking. All that stuff about my personality and character was true. I am deeply creative and I used to write all the time (as in I was always journaling). I have a blog that I never update. So, maybe that was my kick in the ass I needed to keep this little project up. It doesn't have to be the story of my life, I just need to share what's on my mind, serious or random.
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Being a Christian, it took me a long time to get up the nerve to get a tarot reading, but I voiced my concerns to my first "reader" and she was really cool and respectful. What was supposed to be a 20 minute session turned into an hour because my cards were just really cool. I don't do it to see the future, but to sort out my emotions. If you don't understand what I mean by this and how it's possible to be a Christian and justify fortune telling (for a general purpose term), all I can say is you just have to do it for entertainment purposes to see what I mean. I don't dwell on what they see in my future, but I focus on my question at hand (usually, "WTF am I doing and what should I be doing?") and see what the cards "say." Depending on their "answer," I ponder my feelings about it - not as if it's written in stone, but as a way to explore different paths. It's really hard to explain, but I can say that an hour with tarot cards goes a lot farther than $150 and 50 minutes with a therapist.
Anyway ... So, I got my palms read for the first time yesterday. My reader said I was a creative person and very caring towards others, that I worry too much and I don't write enough, even though I have a talent for it. She also said I wouldn't get married and I wouldn't have kids, so I'm not dwelling on that part. I do believe I have a higher purpose in a relationship, so I'm not sweating it.
But the reading got me thinking. All that stuff about my personality and character was true. I am deeply creative and I used to write all the time (as in I was always journaling). I have a blog that I never update. So, maybe that was my kick in the ass I needed to keep this little project up. It doesn't have to be the story of my life, I just need to share what's on my mind, serious or random.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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