Sweet bunny boy

I have sad news in the furgalicious department.

Feffer has gone to heaven. :(

It's been a long time coming, as Feffer was nearly eight years old and the past two and a half years he has been going to the vet. A lot. Finally, his little hind legs were tripping him up so much I couldn't stand seeing him like that any longer.

I went ahead and made the decision to have him put to sleep because I would be heading back to Auburn soon, and I didn't want Girl Tuesday to have to worry about him if he got worse. I also made the decision because rabbits have very fragile spines, and I worried, with the way he was falling all over his cage, that he would snap his spine. Maybe it's not possible, but maybe it is. Ultimately, I just couldn't stand to see my "firstborn" (term used loosely, obviously) suffer anymore, and I think he was kind of getting tired of it, too. (He didn't finish the few craisins I put in his bowl, as well as the corn cobs I left for him when I went to bed.)

I was a wreck making the decision. First, I'm on the fence about ending lives, as I value all life. (See, I'm not a pure liberal.) Second, October is a popular month for death in my family. Grandaddy, my father, Roxy Go-Go, and now Feffer. Third, well, he's my baby. Fourth, we've been through a lot together - homes, boyfriends (again, term used loosely), colleges, jobs, happy times, sad times - I could go on. Basically, he saw me from being a fun-loving, party girl in college to being a fun-loving, borderline party girl who's a full-fledged grown up.

I was able to take all of his supplies to the vet so they could make good use of them, and I dropped him off with his favorite vet techs (along with some favorite treats). I wrote him a little note. And after I had done everything I needed to do, and felt like I had said my goodbye sufficiently, I went to Walgreen's and stocked up on SmartWater, Reese's, and Kleenex. Then, I went by McDonald's and treated myself to a large, real Coke and a hot fudge sundae (no Bailey's).

By the time I got home, I actually felt better. I was afraid this was going to devastate me more than I am already.

I am also comforted knowing Feffer and Roxy are reunited. Maybe Feffer will introduce Roxy to Lady (the only dog I have ever owned, and she was THE BEST DOG EVER).

Happy Monday: I've created a monster

A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with my bar friends way past dinner time. It was getting to be near midnight, and my stomach was aching for some food.

So, I did what I used to do when I was in undergrad and staying out late at TC's and I made a McDonald's run.

Only, this time, I went with my friend A.

A just so happened to want a hot fudge sundae.

Since we were going back to the bar, I pleaded with him to wait until we got back to eat the sundae.

Why?

Because McDonald's hot fudge sundaes + Bailey's = LOVE.

Apparently, I have created a monster. If you know me, you know how I get about food sometimes. I love it. I never imagined I would see someone more obsessed with this combo than myself.

Ewww!

Please commiserate with me as you read what I just got in my inbox:

Subject: What's up BBW!

Hey, you have a beautiful smile. I just couldn't resist emailing you. We a little about me. I'm a male model for Ralph Lauren. When I'm not traveling the world posing for magazines I volunteer for Doctors Without Borders. Yes I'm a pediatrician, but I don't like to brag. I'm a very strong man, but very sensitive. I'm not afraid to cry. I'm also still a virgin and I'm saving myself for the love of my life, you may be the one. Please don't let my love be all in vain....

Let's say it together. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Yes, I reported him. This is, like, the third person I have reported.

Shall I list the turn-offs? Sure. Why not?

1. He called me a BBW. No, thank you. One of my bar friends can tell you I shot him down when he called me "Ruben-esque." I also immediately shoot down guys who say, "I don't usually go for the big girls, but..." I don't care if you mean well, I really don't want attention drawn to the fact I am too sore and fatigued to exercise, but I eat veggies and gain weight.

2. "We" instead of "well." Typo, I know, but he called me a BBW and that means war! ;)

3. Those last sentences about male modeling, being a doctor and being sensitive? I don't fall for that crap. I could care less what you do, as long as it isn't offensive.

4. The virgin part? Again, I don't care.

5. The final part about love being in vain? First, WTF? And, second, you don't know me, so you don't love me. Don't even try to say you do.

I think the dude is bullshitting me. Don't y'all?

I am so over dating.

Happy Monday: Coming Out Day edition

As you may have seen on Facebook, or maybe in the news (or "news"), today is Coming Out Day.

When I became aware the word "gay" had a negative connotation, I'm going to be honest: I went along with it and said, "Eww gross."

In my defense, I was still in early elementary school.

When I was in later elementary school, and people used that word as an insult, I did everything I could to not get called gay, because, well, in my defense, I was bullied.

But as the years wore on, and my skin toughened up a little, I began to ponder why it was so bad to be gay.

It turns out, I had gay friends my entire life.

I can share the stories of people coming out to me, but I'm going to share my story of how I became an ally (a supporter of GLBT - Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, and Transgender - people).

Like I said, I already had lots of gay friends, I just didn't know it. Until I was in high school and some people outed one of our friends to me. He became one of my best friends to this day.

As I made my way through high school, I accumulated a good bit of GLB friends, and when I got to college, I found I had to stand up for the GLBT community, as dorm friends would say negative remarks about the community. Well, the girls all said negative things around me until they noticed this hot guy hanging out with me, going up to my room, with pizzas or Chick-fil-A, to ... watch soap operas together. That's when the girls realized I had something going on with this whole "gay is okay" thing. A hot guy to tote around with and a best girlfriend, all. In. One.

(Disclaimer: This is not only what my best friend is to me. He's my best friend 'cause he's always there for me, he's my partner in crime. And he's my random vacation travel buddy when I get a hankering to go somewhere no one else wants to go to.)

When I transferred to UAB, I spent three semesters trying to make real friends. I eventually had friendly classmates, some of us are freinds on Facebook, but to be honest, we don't ever interact. I would gladly hang out with them, and would love to re-connect,  but we've just gone our separate ways.

My last semester of college, I got invited to a Gay/Straight Student Alliance meeting. This was the first time at UAB I actually felt welcome. To this day, some of the people I met through GSSA are some of my closest friends. One of them even lives in my guest bedroom in Birmingham. :)

Four and a half years ago, I was at a GSSA meeting, helping decide a budget for the upcoming year. We were going to ask for more funds than we ever had before, and hopefully do better programs than just have pizza, drinks, and hang out with your friends.

I suggested we have a party for Coming Out Day.

And four years ago, the GSSA had its inagural Coming Out Day party.

I'm not going to lie - the two I put together and third I helped with were very stressful. Locations, foods, decorations, invitations and publicity, fun stuff, etc. The entire week was stressful. What came out of it, though, was event planning experience and the knowledge that people working together makes everything just a little bit easier.

The questions I asked

I'm a firm believer in being willing to answer what you ask. So, when I had to come up with eight questions to ask my readers, after answering eight others, I felt like it would only be right to share my answers to the eight questions I asked.

1. What is your favorite fall tradition? (I know I kind of stole that one from Shannon, but I love hearing about 'em!)


In addition to my previous post, I like putting up my pumpkins and making treat bags and rice krispie treats. I also enjoy Christmas shopping. (I do most of it in October so I can enjoy my holidays. Or attempt to.)
2. Do you play games on Facebook? (Any Sorority Life fans out there?)

If you didn't already guess, yes, I play games on Facebook. The only one I play is Sorority Life. (Another shocker.) Loves it.

3. What's on your nightstand now?

Candles, a lamp, cell phones, eyeglasses, miscellaneous crap, and phenergen. No books :(

4. What song best describes your life now?

When I came up with this question, my answer was, "Broken" by Lifehouse. Maybe it still is, I'm just not so sad about it right now. Another song in the running would be "Keep on Trying" by Poco. I heard it on a "Bones" episode, looked up the lyrics, and realized The ex-Boyfriend needs an intervention.
5. What is the best way to find someone to date?

I need feedback on this. On the dating website, all these people are so adamant that meeting the love of your life in a bar is not for them, or taboo, or impossible. But what if bars are your heart and soul? It's only fitting ... And I also take a bit of offense to the assumption because The ex-Boyfriend and I met in a bar. We all know where that got me, but it was by no means a bad relationship. I might even to venture to say our relationship (romantic and otherwise) is the best one I have ever had, to date.

Also on the dating website, half of them can't spell and the other half won't give me the time of day. And no one has really seemed to be a good fit.
6. Do you dye your hair?

Yes. I've been dying it black off and on for ten years. I've gone reddish here and there, but I believe I was meant to have black hair. I feel a little more like me with a fresh raven dye. (Okay, that came out awkward. I just got sick of writing in a boring way.)

The problem I am facing is I will have to deal with gray hair or start going lighter (i.e. blonde highlights) to stretch out dye jobs. Nothing against blondes, I just don't feel like I was meant to be one. Any suggestions?
7. What quote or Bible verse gives you encouragement?

Also, I'm looking for some encouragement.

Recently, the Lord's Prayer, and Psalm 23 have been comforting for me. And John 3:16.
8. What is your favorite blog to read?

I love Kelly's Korner. Harper is so stinkin' cute, and Kelly provides so much encouragement. I don't know her personally, and I know people are always saying their blogs don't show everything, but this woman is such an inspiration and I feel like she really does care about everyone.

I also like to read my friends' blogs and see their cute little ones.

And I like to read the blogs of women who aren't married yet. It feels good to share the sense of community with each other.

Tag! I'm it ... are you?

I got tagged! Shannon at Sincerely Shannon tagged me to answer eight questions, then tag eight other people to answer a new set of eight questions that I have to come up with. Exciting!!! (Can y'all tell I love having something picked out for my blog already?) I also love the theme, Shannon :)

1. Do you like Starbucks? And are you a fan of their seasonal coffees (aka. pumpkin spice latte)?

I heart Starbucks. I have never had one of their seasonal drinks, but I think I might have to try a pumpkin spice this year. I don't go there often, so when I do, I get a mocha. Tall, decaf, skinny, splash of vanilla ... nom, nom, nom.

2. How do you decorate and prepare for fall?

I have a HUGE box full of things to decorate with for fall - everything from football memorabilia to pumpkins and leaves, to Halloween. I've got a great pumpkin collection going on. Sadly, I don't have room in Auburn right now to decorate for seasons. I'm trying to figure it out. Usually, I start pulling out the fall in September, get out the Halloween in October, turn the jack-o-lanterns around for Thanksgiving, put up the tree Thanksgiving night (in a perfect world!), and switch out fall with Christmas in December. Or after Thanksgiving.

  

3. Will you participate in your college's homecoming activities?

Probably not. While I did most of my undergrad at Auburn, I graduated from UAB. I never could get into the spirit at UAB, and I feel awkward doing the homecoming thing with Auburn since I didn't graduate from there. Anyway, everyday I spend in Auburn is a homecoming :)

4. What is your favorite fall clothing item or accessory?

Sweaters. And boots. I can't pick one.

5. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid?

I think the best one I ever had was a "teenybopper", back when they wore poodle skirts, white t-shirts, scarves, and keds. My mother made part of my costume, a pink felt poodle skirt. I wish I still had it. (And that I could still wear it, but that was 18 years ago. Oh, am I getting old!)

6. Do you like halloween/horror movies? Do you have a favorite?

I really don't like them. No matter how cheesy or fake they are, I will have dreams about them. I also don't like all that "impending doom" music. ("Grey's Anatomy" season finale, anyone? No amount of chocolate or wine could save me from that one.)

I am a bit partial to It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. :)

7. What is your favorite fall activity? (College football games, Costume parties, Trick or treating, carving pumpkins, haunted houses, apple picking, etc)

Gamedays and Halloween parties. Anyone in Auburn want to send their kids to trick or treat me? Please?

8. What is your favorite fall recipe?

Vegetable Soup and Cornbread. It's actually really easy. Get whatever vegetables you like, stew beef, a beef boullion. Brown the beef, put it all together in a stock pot, add some water. Add about four to six boullion cubes. Cook on low for about six hours. Nom. Nom. Nom. As for the cornbread, I make my own, but Sister Schuberts make a great frozen cornbread. I'll post a better recipe later. I promise.

My Eight Questions

1. What is your favorite fall tradition? (I know I kind of stole that one from Shannon, but I love hearing about 'em!)

2. Do you play games on Facebook? (Any Sorority Life fans out there?)

3. What's on your nightstand now?

4. What song best describes your life now?

5. What is the best way to find someone to date?

6. Do you dye your hair?

7. What quote or Bible verse gives you encouragement?

8. What is your favorite blog to read?

Now, I'm supposed to tag eight people. I'm not going to do that. I'm tagging Shannon back. And I'm tagging all my readers, public or hidden, to keep it going. Answer my questions, and then ask your own questions, and get to tagging. :)

Tuesday Ten: Gameday

*1. Mini-bottles of bourbon. (Well, there's not always much proof it came from mini-bottles. There is proof someone has been drinking.)

*2. Fresh cut grass.

*3. Sweat actually smells good.

4. Hot dogs. (Okay, overpriced hot dogs that aren't worth their price. Last year, I discovered the burgers. They're actually pretty good. And more worth the $4 than the hot dogs.)

5. Popcorn. (The buckets are great for craft supplies! And, well, I have a special place in my heart for popcorn. Nom nom nom.)

6. Family. (Seriously! You can't stand half of them, but you know it's only for a season, then you don't have to see them for nine more months. You can stand it for just one game a week.)

7. Blisters on your toes the next morning are SO worth it.

8. Not feeling too guilty for saying hell and damn. And not feeling too guilty for yelling, "Bullshit," for every bad call while there is a sweet little old couple next to you. And sometimes a toddler on the other side.

9. Replenishing the old stadium cup collection.

10. Being able to drink all day without people thinking you have a problem.

* To all perfume developers: could you possibly create a scent based on bourbon breath, sweat, and fresh cut grass? Maybe throw a little hamburgers-cooking-on-a-charcoal-grill for good measure? You could make a killing come February when we're starting to miss waking up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday to look "purty" in time for the tailgates.

Happy Monday: Furgalicious Edition

This evening or tomorrow morning I will be snuggling away with "z bebes." I only have Feffer with me in Auburn because I'm not so sure about the cats. Tux and Boston, no doubts. But Pru, well, she's special. She doesn't do cars. She likes to dart. She fills with terror when others have to get in the carrier. So, I'm debating whether or not to bring her. I don't want her to dart into the parking lot. I don't want her to vomit her intestines. I love my Pru-baby. I also don't want to separate her from Tux and Boston. The three of them are a good team.

Feffer will be reunited with his feline siblings.

Tux will have some Vera to snuggle in.

Prudence will have someone to sleep with.

And Mommy will have her Boston Go-Go again.

Dating Deja Vu

Have I mentioned how much I hate dating?

I don't do dating.

I do, however, go for randomly meeting, talking all night, only leaving each others side to go to work, school, and the bathroom, falling in love within a couple of weeks, and living happily ever after.

That works for me.

Okay, I guess it's not fair to say I hate dating when I've never really dated.

I hate the process of looking for dates. Ugh!

As I was showing a curious friend my online dating account, showing her the guys on there (i.e. how about only half of them can spell ... not that I'm perfect, but my errors are typos, not blatant, incessant, misspellings), I happened upon this profile that keeps popping up. The website really wants us to get together.

Do y'all know where this is going?

I look at it. I think, "Well, he's kind of cute. He can spell. He seems pretty cool. Oh, and he rescues cats! And loves God. Alright, we'll see what happens." So, I start emailing him. I hate this part, where I have to be the one to initiate whatever. Guys out there: please don't be shy. You're supposed to do the pursuing. I'm just Southern like that.

I get towards the end of my email. Then ... do you know where this is going?

You do if you guess I start having dating flashbacks from a little over nine years ago. I had just turned eighteen. Some guy started chatting with me on AOL. He seemed pretty cool, so I went along with it. He wasn't a perv or anything, and we chatted for a while before he asked for my number. He even knew a classmate of mine, so it wasn't totally creepy. We eventually talked on the phone and he asked me out. This would have been my first date date.

Would have being the operative words.

He canceled on me. I don't know if it was my suggesting if there were still tornadoes in the area by the time for our date, I would rather cancel. I don't know if it was the age difference then (there's a big difference between 18 and 23 or whatever age he was then, not so much between 27 and 30-something). I don't know if he just decided he didn't like me. I never heard from him again.

No big deal. I don't care what his reasons were then. I don't really care if he emails me back, but I would like him to so I can confirm if I have actually experienced dating deja vu. So, yes, I do care if he emails me back. I HAVE to know if it's the same person. (Even though I am 90% convinced it is.)

I took a really close look at his profile. He was about the right age. Some of the things on his profile matched what I knew about him back then. (Gotta love my inner-Bones!) And as I looked through the pictures, in which there were LOTS, I became fairly certain he was the same person.

And, yes, in the email I brought up the possibility he was the same guy from years ago. It was kind of hard not giving away too much information in case he wasn't and still giving enough information to jog his memory if he was.

I'm a very forgiving person. It was also a long time ago. I'm all grown up now. Same nice person, but much more mature. (Not that I wasn't mature then, I just understand the world a little better now. That's the nice way of saying I'm cynical and jaded.) Let me be honest: I was a MESS back then. As in Cold Mountain when Ruby Thewes tells Aida Monroe of her being a catastrophe back in her school days. Yes, I was a near catastrophe. And I didn't get to be near normal until I got this thing called a boyfriend. I don't know how much, or little, it had to do with having a boyfriend, but I recall things settling down a good bit when The ex-Boyfriend came around.

Another day in the saga of the un-housewife

Can I be done with dating? Please?

I'm not sure how this breakup thing is supposed to work, but I find it odd I was totally okay with it (I mean, I initiated the breakup, after all) until I jumped back in the dating pool.

I am reminded daily of how good the Space-man and I fit together. And we skipped all that dating business. It was meet, talk all night, go our separate ways, meet again, talk all night, and, oops!, I'm somebody's girlfriend. It was a very magical time in my life, let me say.

And then today I just happened upon Amy Grant's "I Will Remember You." Cue the tears. (Bythe way, the lines that really got me were "One word we never could learn/Goodbye." Y'all, it wasn't just tears. It was a full-blown meltdown.

I've been pondering what will happen to us. It's gonna get awkward at some point if we stay this involved with each other, and I get into another serious relationship. I'm ready to get married. To be a wife. And to be a mother. Before him, even though I knew I wanted that stuff, I sometimes wondered if it was really for me. I was so good at being single. One of my Facebook friends (i.e. not super close friends, but more friends than acquaintances) even put something to the effect of "What do you mean your're 'in a relationship?' People like you and me are supposed to be single." I was single like that.

I did a near 180 when we got together. And, more importantly, I didn't look back long enough to want my old life back. I realized how good I was at being ... a housewife.

I always thought I would be one of those wives/mothers who worked. Outside of the home. Because she just needed some time where she could be herself, not someone's wife or mother. To the point of taking offense when a guy said he wanted his wife to stay home and for him to totally provide. Honestly, I still take offense to that notion since I view marriage as a partnership.

Don't get me wrong, I have every intention of having "me" time when my day comes. Bible studies, lunch groups, girls' nights, mani-pedis (by. my. self.), massages (maybe I'll share with the hubs) - the possibilities are endless. I just see myself as having a more meaningful role in the home than I thought five years ago.

I think it's important to throw in here what didn't work in our relationship. I wanted to get married and he didn't. I also was stricken with baby fever after the initial shock of my grandfather's sudden illness and passing away. He didn't want any more babies. We both felt strongly about adoption, and I think he was a bit open to older child adoption, but he was too old to adopt a baby (not that he wanted to be a 40+ year old father to an infant) and I am too young to adopt a teenager.

Yes, I used Facebook status updates as a tool to complain about him doing "Space" things.

But that stuff isn't what life is all about.

He was my partner. He had my back the best he thought. He cooked really really really good meals for me. I had someone to cook for. We watched TV together. We read together. We played with the cats together. We even raised two cats together. (We barely made it through that one!) I had someone to shop for. I also had a stepson to shop for :) We put away laundry together. He did the hangers and other putting away, I did the folding. He played plumber when I would let him. He changed the air filters. He let me cry when I needed to. He got me into The Beatles. I introduced him to Son in Law. We watched nerdy JFK movies together. For our one year anniversary. We watched all kinds of good movies together.

I just can't say goodbye right now. He's more than just my ex-boyfriend. He is my best friend. When I got sick, and began to realize I wasn't getting better (thankfully, not worse), he took care of me. He has "been there" for me more than anyone else has during my illness (sorry, Mom, but it's only because he knew the feeling too). And I took care of him when he was sick. Yes, he drank nearly a pint of Early Times whiskey when I was five days post-op and picked a fight with me. I will not excuse that one. But given the length of our relationship and that was the only thing really bad-wrong with the relationship, that was pretty good, right?

I just know that stringing me along, just enough to stay on my radar, isn't how you get me for a girlfriend. And just having to deal with ignorant, close-minded, assholes is not helping me along in the dating world. (No one person in particular, there. Just a general assessment.) It's actually setting me back.

I know how I deserve to be treated and I know where I can go to get that. (Except for the whole marriage and babies thing.)

Appetizers and dessert

As I mentioned in a previous post, I felt my (dinner) plate was full with work, Junior League, and my health.

That leave a little room for appetizers and desserts, but what are those, you wonder?

Television and dating.
I'm thinking dating will be appetizers and television dessert, because television tends to not disappoint so much.

I never really dated all that much before The ex-Boyfriend. I had a date here and there, maybe two. Lots of friend dates.

I didn't care too much for it then. All that work for nothing.

The ex-Boyfriend and I met, talked all night, and the next thing I knew he was my boyfriend, and just as I had a chance to adjust to Not. Being. Single. (Trust me, that was a serious identity crisis.) We were in LOVE. It was very sweet. We might have been together a month. I was babysitting, and I went to his place when I got done. When I got there, I found his best friend passed out on the sofa, him watching TV and drinking. He seemed very excited to see me. I was very excited to see him. It was Friday. I was off work. I wanted to go out and DRINK. But he had to tell me something, as his friend was waking from his beer-induced slumber.

I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

It was beautiful. Not what my daydreams thought it would be. But for me and him, it was absolutely perfect.

And you want to know the truth? I was in love with him about two weeks into the relationship. It just seemed a little crazy to say anything.

AND I think the reason we fell in love so quickly and worked so well is we skipped the bullshit that is dating. (Of course, that does make it difficult to break up when one of you wants to get married and get lots of babies, and the other one is all, "been there, done that." Yeah. Well, I guess it was almost perfect.)

Think of a man (no boys, please!) who would be a good companion for me, and I for him. He has to be smart, classy, have lots of interests, be open-minded, want lots of children - and I mean LOTS, and tall. I love 'em tall. He has to have his own life separate from me, but he also has to want me to be a part of his life. It's kind of hard to explain. I guess what I mean is I don't want to spend every single non-working minute with him. Once or twice a week, he has to go out with his guy friends and watch sports. Or whatever guys do. Once or twice a week, I will go out with the girls, or just have some "me" time. This is SO essential. Also essential is we have a few things in common. Or at least be genuinely interested in each other's things. And he has to follow the "dishwasher rules," and not leave a few drops of vodka in the bottle, and not squirrel his laundry away somewhere, not squirrel anything away or leave piles of empty pockets and mail all over the place, and, in general, just help with the housework without being asked. And, of course, he has to want to get married and get children. I'm still not sold on pregnancy, and still very much in favor of adoption. (Please note, I believe in compromise on this issue. I'll attempt pregnancy, if we get to adopt as well. Also note, I am totally down with him having children already, but I really want to get to keep a baby I raise, and raise a baby I get to keep. I love babies and what I love even more is seeing them grown up.)

I know it sounds picky, but this really screens out those that shouldn't even know me in the first place.

We would meet, we would talk, and we would fall in love. We would be boyfriend and girlfriend. We would get married. We would become parents. We would live happily ever after.

Yes, I said we would fall in love before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm on the marriage and family track and there is no time to be messing around. I'm not rushing it, I'm just sayin'...

Help me. Please. Please. Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please please.

Stop me before I volunteer again

Have y'all ever seen that quote somewhere? Sometimes it can be found on a magnet or a cocktail napkin.

The first time I saw it, I was babysitting. It was on a refrigerator magnet.

That was before I became a career volunteer.

Yes. I said it. I am a career volunteer. I'm just good at it, y'all.

I love to help. I love to be useful. I love to do something different every single time I do something. (Well, most of the time. Some things are best to stay the same.)

But this year, I'm not going to be getting any Volunteer of the Year awards. And if I do, it's purely by accident (which has happened before). I'm going to fulfill my commitments, don't worry. I'm just going to strive for steadily increasing my responsibilities over time.

See, I'm new to Lee County. I like how things are around here, but I want to make sure I understand how it all really works before I start trying to save the world down here.

Also, I'm used to doing sexual and reproductive health education. I did Junior League to expand my volunteer career because anything related to sex (the act and the biology), well, that's pretty controversial. I wanted to do something I could tell everyone about. I'm starting to struggle a little bit with this decision. I really miss getting in front of an audience and telling them how to protect themselves and be aware of themselves. Ohmigosh. I. Miss. It.

And it's hard, y'all.

I was flipping through my Junior League manual last night, and all those offices and committees were calling to me. I was starting to daydream about how Junior League could get involved with women's health issues.

Girl Sunday. Think of how many people you will be able to help. Think of how much you will get to do. Pick me. Come one, Girl Sunday, pick me.

No. Not this year.

When I decided to join Junior League this year, I originally thought I wouldn't be very involved at all, because of massage school. Then, since my thyroid is "misbehaving" I figured I shouldn't try to be so involved. And I'm starting a new business. Three things on my plate are enough. And that's not including appetizers and dessert, and that's a whole 'nother post. :)

It wasn't so long ago

I've been a good un-housewife today. Laundry, dishes, work, organizing.

It wasn't so long ago I was a housewife-in-training. Girl Tuesday and I would abscond to Hobby Lobby Saturday nights and make a stop at Los Amigos for daiquiris and rice and chips. Just because we are adults, we figured we are allowed to break the rules of balanced meals from time to time.

We would make fun of the stupid things our (now ex) boyfriends would say and do.

Like leaving splashes of vodka in the bottle.

Like loading the dishwasher to beyond full capacity and not start it.

Like, oh, I don't even remember anymore.

I miss those days.

Back when I had six cats (or eleven) and a rabbit and one time a stepson staying in my house.

Back when I did laundry nearly every day, and I could easily have a load of whites once a week so my socks were brand-new white.

Back when I had a built-in drinking buddy.

I could go on.

The feminist in me feels like I let down a whole decade of women's lib-bers. I feel like I'm supposed to go out into this world and lead and reign supreme. Because I am woman, and I can roar better than any of you.

But someone's gotta stay home and keep it from burning down, or at least make sure the utilities don't get disconnected. (That reminds me of a story I can laugh about now. I once had a roomate who caught my kitchen on fire. Twice.)

I can talk about almost anything. And I can do quite a few things. It's just I'm best at being a housewife. I'm good at staying home and looking after things. Well, at least I like to think I am good at that. I'm really not. But at least I keep the bills paid, laundry done, animals vaccinated, and everyone loved. That's gotta count for something, right?

Tuesday Ten: Circa 1995 Edition

I have been harboring a lot of nostalgia for 1995 since, well, 1996. I do not want to go back and repeat all the teen angst, and otherwise general awkwardness of being in junior high school, but then again, that was one of the themes of the year. There's a lot more I could add, but then it wouldn't be the Tuesday Ten anymore.

1. CKone

2. Grunge (music) - Pearl Jam, Nirvana

3. Angst - "My So-Called Life" (yes, I own the complete, one-season series), Alanis Morissette ("You Oughtta Know" 'Nuf said."

4. Clueless

5. Hard Candy nail polish

6. Plaid, flannel shirts (so cozy)

7. Ross and Rachel

8. Chunky shoes - Mary Janes, Doc Martens

9. Belly chains

10. Baby doll dresses

Happy Monday: Motivation

Mondays can really suck, right? In all this new business planning, I've thought about what my working hours would be. I feel like I need to set a schedule, just so I can have something to hold me accountable to the job. I'm a sucker for long weekends - travel out on Thursday, come back in on Monday. It's funny that when I do the math, it only leaves me Tuesday and Wednesday to work. Talk about a two day workweek and five day weekend. I don't think that will work too well. Exact working hours will soon be determined, as I should be about to officially go public with the business. Yay!

So, for those of us who have to do this thing called work (whatever kind it may be) on Mondays, I'm going to try to post a little something to motivate me through the week. These little happies will vary - anything from a small something I actually get to a big something I hope to one day get.

You know how us Southerners like things big. Big hair. Big trucks. Big dreams. Here's my big dream:

Source: http://www.automobilemag.com/features/lists/0704_2007_porsche_911_cabriolet/index.html

Ever since the good ol' days of Beverly Hills, 90210, I've wanted a Porsche. Dylan was my dream man, and he had a dream car. Then, I got my beloved Ava. People started telling me about German cars, German engineers, German everything, and how awesome it is. I've got to tell you: you can't beat the reliability of a Honda, but there really is something about driving a German car that make my heart smile. Maybe it's my engineer's brain? The controls in the car just make sense to me. (Sorry, Allie the Acura, but I still get confused about how to unlock the doors.)

When Black Velveteen got totaled, I seriously considered buying a Porsche. I found the Cayman, which was around $50,000 for the base model. Definitely more than I wanted to spend on a car, but I also had a hefty down payment from my insurance money and I was working three jobs. Also, the Acura I was looking at was going to be close to that price. I didn't go so far as to test drive, as building and pricing were all I needed to do to realize that beauty was going to cost way more than $50K!

Since one of my jobs was a bartender, I did not want to be driving a Porsche to work, and have my customers realize it was my car. And, I figured people would think I was a real asshole for buying one. So, I didn't. And I decided to wait until later for my dream car.

When I started massage school, one of our homework assignments was to make a collage of things that motivated us to follow through with the program and career. I never got that far in the course due to other reasons that even a Porsche couldn't cure, but that collage was going to have this car front and center on it.

I know it's frivolous, and I could be spending that amount of money on much more important things, but what can I say? I have a thing for pretty, black, German, cars.

More healthcare diatribe-ing

I'm sure you've seen on Facebook the letter written by a Mississippi ER doctor stating his opinion of healthcare reform, using one of his patients as an example of why the healthcare bill should not pass. (This was written in August 2009.)

Here is the snopes.com link:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/starner.asp

I posted a status update about my thoughts of re-posting this letter in agreement, but a status update only allows for so many characters, and I felt the need to rip the letter apart.

First, I will say that I do not think those who spend excessive amounts of money on non-essential things for themselves should be allowed to receive government aid.

However, this doctor based his letter on one person. Albeit, one person who seems to be like the others who appear to not deserve said aid.

Dr. Starner Jones points out some of his observations of the patient's materialistic possessions - a gold tooth, tattoos, tennis shoes, and a cell phone with a special ringtone. He also mentions her heavy smoking habit and alcohol use.

In the patient's defense, she may not have always been on Medicaid, and she could have gotten the tattoos done before that. They also could have been done for free, by a friend, perhaps. The tennis shoes could have been gotten at a thrift store or from even a clothing bank, and the cell phone, well, she could have gotten it for free and it came with the ringtone. It's possible.

While I believe Dr. Jones' letter is in accordance with HIPPA (there is nothing identifying who the patient is and what she was treated for), I have to wonder if it really is, based on the Labor and Delivery nurses' blogs I read - they are no longer allowed to post stories about births without changing nearly everything about the story, so that the story ends up being fictional. Keeping with that logic, is Dr. Jones' story even true? If not, and simply based on truth, he has created a fictional character with characteristics that annoy even the most tenderhearted people about who is benefitting from government assistance. So, I guess my point is this story Dr. Jones relayed could be fictional. And it could also be violating HIPPA. (Could being the operative word, as I am not a 100% expert on HIPPA.)

Also what bothers me is I caught a person (or people) who has (have) been "that patient," reposting in agreement with the Facebook version of the letter. Can you say hypocrite?

I know people like "that patient." Yes, I am embarassed by their irresponsible actions. But I know that for some of them, even if they didn't spend any extra money on their material desires, they would still need government assistance.

It's so easy to say, "If they would just ...," but the reality is until you have been there, you don't know how hard it is to work two jobs, hardly ever have free time, and still not have enough money for healthcare at the end of the month. To those of you who know me, you know I haven't been there personally. But I have seen people who have been there. And I know that if I was not blessed with supportive, future thinking family, I could very easily be there, and possibly worse.

I thought of a solution for this problem, though. When organizations want to spend public money, they have to provide receipts for how the money was spent, and they have to spend according to strict guidelines. I propose we make anyone or anything who receives government money to do the same.

This could be beneficial in so many ways. First, the recipient would be aided in budgeting resources. Second, the government could use the statistics on how money was spent, budgeted, and what was still needed (or leftover) to study ways to make necessary things affordable, where more or less money should be allocated, and where to put shopping, housing, and public education so that it best benefits those in need of it.

This patient of Dr. Jones is one, not all, of the faces of those receiving government aid. It is not fair to those who truly need it to be denied because some people abuse it.

Living it up

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner for "Show us your Life Fridays". This week is living rooms. I'm doing my Auburn one, since it's where I live now (but stay on the lookout for my Birmingham mantle!). Keep in mind the room is mostly finished, but I still have a little more to do.

The Auburn condo is really small, and considering I love to entertain, I have to make the best of my space.

People ask me all the time about my furniture and "things" around the place. So, I'm going to fill in some of my decorating tips and where I got the things, as much as I can remember.

I think the best way to describe the theme of this room is "things I LOVE." I originally wanted to do an animal print theme, but it turned into a room that defines me. (By the way, I am going to have to SEARCH to see if I have anything from Pottery Barn in here. I haven't noticed it yet, and you all know how much Girl Sunday loves her Pottery Barn!)

This is the living room from the front door. My "studio" (not quite complete) is to the left, my bedroom to the right, and, duh!, the "kitchen" (te-niny!) is in the back. Also in this picture, in the bottom left, is the rabbit cage.

This is the view from my "studio". To the right is the entertainment center.

Here is the view from my bedroom. Obviously, the entertainment center has some work to be done on it. I got it at Lowes, but you can find wire shelves almost anywhere - Lowe's, Home Depot, Target, KMart, Wal-Mart, etc. Be sure the shelves can hold at least 350 pounds each, and that it is wide enough for your TV. (Back when TVs were square we didn't have to worry about that!)

To the left of the sofa are my beloved books. I found the "Peace" and "Dream" wall art at Target this summer. The bookcase is from Pier One, about six years ago. It's their "Dakota" bookcase, back when "Dakota" was black iron with copper undertones. 

This is the detail on the table and chairs under the pink flower (from Ross). I LOVE this furniture set. The copper color is beautiful and really helps tie the room together (I broke a rule and mixed metals, as well as black and brown). The result is actually better than I ever would have thought. I think the key is using tonal browns, so the colors blend and complement with the black.

All Most of my books. I love to read! I haven't read all of them yet, but I have read most of them. The top shelf is philosophy, books to read, and Christian. The second shelf is humor and literature (the picture has a cute litte frame story ... maybe I will share later). Third shelf is history and reproductive health. Fourth shelf is lifestyle and reference. And, finally, the bottom shelf is yearbooks, and miscellaneous.

Also in this picture is the best glimpse at the sofa's color and texture. As with most things in this room, I also love my sofa. It's brown velvet, but it has gray undertones, which help tie the brown into the black accents the developers used. I got the sofa last year at Auburn Furniture and I think it's by Broyhill.

Here is my favorite chair. I got it last year from Pier One. On clearance! And I saved a good bit extra by opening a credit card with them. The chair is purple velvet, and when I got the picture of the pink flower, I had originally intended to put it in my bedroom, but I saw it sitting in the den, next to the chair, and realized it went really well in the room. The chair pulls out the purple used in the painting, so it's not so intense in the room.

I mentioned earlier about using browns that are tonal. The best example of that is this trunk (in the bottom of the picture) I got from Target. It was originally a bedroom linen trunk in Birmingham, but now it is my "coffee table". Notice how some of the "reeds" (is that what they are?) are black and some brown and there are varying shades in between? That's what I mean by tonal.

Onto my console. I got the shelves at Hobby Lobby on clearance, and the table at Target. The glass candle holders are from TJ Maxx, and I put coffee beans and tea lights in them. I ALWAYS keep fresh flowers. Just because :) The turquoise/blue/teal vase in the back has dried roses from my old resident manager. (The vase is also from Pier One, about six years ago and I believe is called the "Peacock Vase". Again, it has some copper in it to help tie the room together.) I used to have a bulletin board covering the fuse box, but it fell and I need to work on that some more. :(  The peace sign is a Girl Sunday original. It can be found at my upcoming craft business' website.

When I have parties, I clear the console table and use it to display food or paperwares.

"There was an old bunny who lived in a cage under the TV ..."

Yea! Feffer is back in Auburn! Sweet Bunny Boy is almost eight years old (i.e. really old for a rabbit).

Thank you for visiting! I look forward to seeing what everyone else has done with their living areas. And, thank you, Kelly, for hosting!

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I bet they're not having this much fun in Mississippi

Disclaimer: I think the fact that a large snake on the loose is very serious, and I am concerned for those who have been harmed by it and have the possibility to be harmed by it. That is not what I am laughing about.

Only in Alabama do we have such intriguing news. Mom told me about seeing the news story of the snake on the loose in Sumiton (Walker County), Alabama. She told me to check it out, and y'all, this is my latest obsession. The first link is the story with the video in the upper right hand corner. The last two links are just stories, but the second link is much more elaborated than the other stories I have read.



Aggressive 'python-like' on the loose in Sumiton - ABC 33/40 - Birmingham News, Weather, Sports

http://www.mountaineagle.com/view/full_story/9402430/article-Aggressive-snake-missing-in-Sumiton?

http://www.wsfa.com/Global/story.asp?S=13115333

Now that y'all have had a chance to get caught up with the story, let's review the highlights. I love the plethora of cars in the background. The rusted broken down tractor (or as us Southerners like to say "broke down"). I love how the newscasters were SO SERIOUS while reporting the story. But, my favorite part has to be the part about how the woman had to literally bite the snake to get it to go away. I think she deserves a picture in the dictionary next to the word hardcore.

Also, what puzzles me is this is Walker County, y'all. Where are the guns? Or machetes? How can one have so many forms of vehicles laying around and no weapon? (And in Alabama, tractors count as vehicles.)

Suck that, Thyroid!

Proof that I had a party (parrot tattoo) and went out (armband ... 'cause I'm older than 21) - all in the same night!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Busy B

I've been working a lot on the arts and crafts business this week. Lawyers, accountants, organizing, you know - the not so fun stuff. So, to balance it, I did some prep work for the fun stuff - painting canvas backgrounds. My manicure can prove it!

And with chipped nails, I hosted a Friday evening tailgate for my Auburn condos. It was rather succesful, I believe. It was fun meeting neighbors and I even made some new friends that drug me out with them. Yes, I, Girl Sunday, went out. In Auburn. At 10:30. On a Friday night. As I put on my Facebook, suck that, Thyroid!

Which brings me to two tangents - first, it was HOT Friday night. And when I woke up and saw one of my friends talking about 50 degree temps, I asked her to send some of that my way. And you know what? IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!! How often does that happen? LOL.

Second tangent - it looks like my thyroid is going to go. I know this is really superficial, but I'm not married yet and I'm not even close to dating anyone right now. I don't want a scar on my neck when I get married. I also have a 10 year high school reunion in the next year, and I am not looking forward to explaining it. The gall bladder scars are always covered up, so I'm not as self conscious about those. (Two of them are keloids, one rather painful.) I'm anxious I will get keloids on my neck, which is way worse than a simple straight line scar. I'm also anxious about surgery again - the anesthesia, the recovery. And what about all I have to be responsible for? Yeah, I'm a bundle of nerves already.

Finally, with that cool weather, I felt like I needed some vegetable soup and cornbread. And that's what's going on now. If my dinner guests would just arrive ...

Life goes on

I have really been wanting to post since that healthcare series. Ugh! I really wish we had no reason to be concerned about serious things like that.

The thing is, I don't know what to talk about. I have a lot on my mind, but it's not really fun stuff. Lots of planning. Planning, planning, planning. And with my placement in the Junior League (yes, I'm doing my first League year!), I have MORE planning to do since I am on the Planning Committee for my Leaguer in Training (formerly provisional) class. (And, y'all, it ain't no party planning, either. I'm talking five year plans. As my dear former neighbor would say, "Yikes!")

Speaking of my dear former neighbor, I'm done with that crap. Haven't heard from him in a while, and I'm okay with that. I have better things to attend to than him, and even though I would be lying if I said I don't miss him, I am way too busy to care.

Remember when I though I would write about makeup and fashion on Tuesdays? Whatever happened to that? Well, here's a little fix for y'all. My latest makeup obsession is eyebrow shadow/pencil. I always thought it was for blondes, or filling in bad waxes. Turns out, it's my secret for getting those beautiful Kardashian eyebrows.

Keeping with that, I'm getting anxious about fall clothing. I have Junior League, I have a craft business, and I have my social life (which has plenty of divisions, including game days, casual fall days, classy dates, and bar clothes). I'm going to need a lot of clothes, and a wide variety. My plan is to go either dirt cheap or paying more for high quality. I'm sick of buying clothes for $20-$60 that lose their shape after a few wears. Ross and Talbots, meet your new favorite customer.

Did I say date back there? Yes. Not dating anyone yet. I haven't even been on a date in Auburn yet. BUT, I am telling everyone I meet that I am looking to date.

So, that's the fun stuff. The other stuff? I'm not in the mood to go there.

On Healthcare, Part III

I've explored the philosophical argument in favor of healthcare. I've explained my reasons why health insurance is a threat to our healthcare. Now, I'm going to offer a few more brief points, some solutions, and advice.

Given all my issues with insurance, I have to lay out one last problem: the cost. So the government is going to offer subsidies to those within a generous amount of income brackets - what about being able to pay for it up front? If people can't afford it now, how are they going to be able to afford it the first year of having to have it, before the subsidies go into effect?

Also, while some employers offer insurance benefits to their employees, what about those of us who don't work traditional, full time jobs? Isn't it the American dream to do what you love? Why should people be forced into jobs they aren't necessarily satisfied with just because they are afraid to not have the benefits?

Solutions:

Solution 1: Do away with insurance. Yes, I just suggested doing away with the system as we know it. My mother tells me stories of back in the day, when the first thing a medical provider did not ask you was for an insurance card. She even says she thinks she's still waiting on a bill from when she needed stitches while on vacation once, decades ago. How nice. Let's go back to those days. Let's go back to a time when doctors provided health care in order to help people. (And to think people thought that the healthcare reform bill was extreme!)

Solution 2: While Solution 1 is very extreme, and would cause a new world order in terms of healthcare, let's try this, instead: have health insurance as a policy against catastrophic (financially and health-wise) health-related events.

Solution 3: So, Solution 2 has its bugs, too. Maybe if we just had a little more compassion for each other. (And act honorably - if you can't afford to pay, make payment plans, and stick to them.)

Solution 4: Quit having healthcare be a for-profit business.

So, I don't have a perfect solution, but they're not bad ideas to start with. Maybe if more people would get together to discuss solutions, a good one would arise.

Advice for healthcare providers/staff:

Be sensitive to all patients, regardless of insurance status. Being at the doctor isn't often on top of someone's list of favorite things, so they're likely not in the mood to be the victim of rudeness. (Not saying all providers are rude.)

Be willing to work with patients on payment plans. Look into offering Care Credit at your practice. Have someone available to counsel patients on ways to pay for healthcare.

Give treatment in regards to a patient's health, not his or her insurance policy (or lack thereof).

Advice for patients:

Be nice to your providers/staff. Niceness breeds niceness. If staff people are rude to you, report them to your doctor. If your doctor is rude to you, report it to the office manager.

Stand up for those without health insurance. Kindly say things like, "insurance doesn't guarantee payment, and lack of insurance doesn't mean you won't get it." The more people who speak up, the more voices will be heard.

Pay in a timely manner, as soon as possible. This will make the practice more comfortable, since they will be getting their money, and they will realize you (and others without insurance) are not necessarily a risk to the practice. If you have trouble paying, alert them of your situation immediately, and assure them you have not forgotten. This may not guarantee great results, but at least you are acknowledging your responsibility.

I know I mentioned these things earlier, but remember:

• DO NOT GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM FOR NON-EMERGENT REASONS!!!
• Honor yourself by being proactive about your health. Be informed of risk factors, family history, often mis-diagnosed and overlooked symptoms. Be honest with your healthcare providers. Remember, it's generally cheaper and easier to treat something sooner rather than later.

If you have stuck it out this far,

through all parts of this,

THANK YOU!!!

On Healthcare, Part II

Did you know that when you are denied private insurance coverage by one insurance provider, it makes it difficult to obtain insurance by another provider. It's kind of like bad spots on credit reports. One mistake can affect your credit with others, even if you are in good standing with them. That one mistake can also cost you credit with others.

I'm going to admit that what sold me on voting for Barack Obama was his stance on healthcare. I was concerned a healthcare bill wouldn't even pass, and as it worked itself into legislation, it started as something that could be good for our country, but quickly snowballed into perpetuating the problem. When it comes to health insurance, this healthcare plan provides for subsidies to those purchasing their own healthcare plan, requires citizens to have health insurance or pay a fine, pre-existing conditions are no longer grounds for denial of health insurance, and insurance companies must allow children to stay on their parents' plan until age 26. The aforementioned aspects of the plan will be phased into effect over the next few years. Also, a government health care plan will be available(There are also aspects relating to business' requiring health insurance, and while related to what I'm discussing, it's relevant, but as far as actual content, it has nothing to do with my point. As for abortion, again, while it is related in subject, it's not related in content.) While this is good news in regards to expanding health insurance coverage, this reform bill is just treating one symptom of many problems related to healthcare.

In some cases, people without health insurance go to the emergency room for non-emergent ailments because emergency rooms will not turn a person away for lack of insurance or inability to pay. This creates a drain on funds directed to emergency rooms to treat emergency situations for those who can not pay, as well as a drain on the emergency room's ability to attend to true emergent cases. Also, those who do use the emergency room for non-emergent ailments will be billed a large amount of money later on, which is a drain on a person who is struggling financially. To those of you who do this, please do not be insulted, but do consider what you are doing. Emergency rooms are for emergencies. The health department and charity hospitals are available for non-emergent cases where a person might have difficulty paying for treatment. Some medical practices will even work with you on payment if you do not have insurance. I advise calling to find out before showing up, though.

Opinion: Health insurance is the biggest problem in regards to our nation's healthcare system.
What led me to this opinion: Have you ever been to the doctor and been told, "Well, since your insurance doesn't cover that, then let's do this instead,"? Or has the pharmacy refused to or tried to refuse to refill a prescription because of insurance rules? If you're relatively healthy and it's not an emergent situation, chances are, it's not the end of the world for you. But what if something is wrong, possibly gravely wrong and this happens? When you aren't very informed and not an assertive person, you might let this slide, especially if it's not life-threatening. But what if it is? An example of something seemingly monor, but is actually very serious is, in women, ovarian cancer sometimes masks itself as uncomfortable GI (gastrointestinal) symptoms - like feeling full after eating a small amount. Women brush off these symptoms, maybe go see a GI doctor eventually, and get treated for the GI symptoms, while the ovarian cancer spreads and gets out of control. When, and if, they finally discover the cancer, it can be too late to be cured. Feeling full after eating a small amount is a seemingly minor thing, sometimes even welcome in that overeating seems to be cured. But, there is something gravely wrong that is being overlooked. A personal example of how insurance dictates healthcare I have is last year I was going to have an endoscopy done, but my insurance at the time wouldn't cover it because I'd already used up my three diagnostic tests the insurance would cover for the year. The doctors' staffs aren't always paying attention to exactly how much (or in my case, how little) insrance covers for medical tests, and they also aren't always looking at how much of other things the insurance will allow. The nurse called me to schedule me for an endoscopy to be performed under general anesthesia so that the insurance would cover it as surgery as opposed to a diagnostic test. Having had an endoscopy before, and aware of how much diagnostic tests cost (because my insurance would only cover $100 per test - and that ain't a lot!), AND knowing I would more than likely be having a more serious surgery later on (and my insurance would only cover one surgery per year), I discussed my situation with the nurse. It was cheaper for me to pay for the endoscopy done with conscious sedation out of pocket than what it would have cost me to do it under general anesthesia. So, I scheduled the endoscopy, knowing it probably wouldn't turn up anything, but also knowing it could (and if so, would be a cheaper alternative to surgery, and possibly be the end to my illness). Had I scheduled my endoscopy so that insurance would cover some of it, I would have been out thousands of dollars when it came time to have my gall bladder removed. Also, I would have been put under general anesthesia unnecessarily (which, when I had my surgery, I realized was not as pleasant as other methods of sedation I had been administered). An example with pharmacies is one of my doctors wrote my phenergan prescription as "Take one pill everyday for nausea," even though he knew I took one half a pill every six hours as needed for nausea, and told me in his office to continue doing so. Because of the way he wrote the prescription, I had a really hard time getting the pharmacy to refill the prescription after one month, because my health insurance wouldn't cover it. Health insurance dictates what kind of care we receive, not what kind of care we should receive. This happens because plans dictate what will be covered by insurance and medical professionals don't often consider the patients' ability to pay.

Also, a patient's health insurance status affects their course of treatment. The latest doctor I am seeing (for recently diagnosed hyperthyroidism) changed her mind about what diagnostic tests she wanted to run on me when she realized I didn't have insurance. Originally, she wanted to repeat blood work (to see if I was still hyperthyroid), have me get a thyoroid ultrasound, and get a thyroid uptake test done. When she realized my insurance status, she dropped the uptake test to be performed later, depending on the results of my bloodwork and ultrasound. I told her I did not want my lack of health insurance to dictate what kind of care I received. I must wonder if providers assume it's okay to do as much as insurance will allow, and, also, to limit what they would do given a lack of insurance. If so, doctors would be increasing costs to insurance companies, as well as patients, if the former is the case, regardless of necessity. If the latter is the case, are patients really getting the care they need?

Lack of health insurance is used a tool of discrimination. In Birmingham, I haven't been refused to be seen by a doctor for not having insurance (yet), but in Auburn, I have. Some practices have even taken to holding an exorbitant deposit on patients without insurance. I spoke with a manager of a medical practice about this. He justified this practice of charging deposits by saying they take co-pays for people with insurance. I countered with, "Co-pays are generally much cheaper than the $100 deposit I just had to pay. Also, just because a person has insurance does not mean (1) they have a co-pay, and (2) that the insurance will cover the treatment." I understand that practices need money in order to continue. That's a simple, unpleasant fact of life. However, by charging a deposit to patients without insurance, regardless of ability to pay is not fair in the sense that they don't charge a deposit on patients who have insurance, but may not pay the balance that is due. There's a big difference between charging $100 (deposit)and $25 or $30 (co-pay), but expecting the same results. In Auburn, I made a list of all the internal medicine practices in the area, called my first choice, and was turned down due to lack of insurance. I called a few more practices until I found one that would see me. They informed me I would have to pay everything the day of the visit. My reply? "That's the way I prefer it anyway. As far as finances go, I am going to be your favorite patient. You get your money and you don't have to deal with waiting on insurance or having to bill me." Just because a person has insurance does not mean that person will be able to pay for their medical treatment, and just because a person does not have insurance does not mean a person can't afford treatment. Therefore, lack of insurance should not be a reason for refusing patients.

People without insurance sometimes prolong medical treatment (and go without routine and preventative care) because they assume they can't go to the doctor if they don't have health insurance. Let's do some easy math here: if your insurance premium is $1200 per year, and you are a perfectly healthy person, getting an annual physical (and, ladies, a physical is often included with your annual OBGYN appointment), and going to the dentist twice a year, having dental x-rays done once, totals about $700, give or take. What's cheaper? Not having insurance. Health insurance really comes in handy when you have ongoing medical problems. (Unless you pay over $200 per month to have some fly-by-night insurance company "cover" you, and they only cover about $100 per visit or test, and limit the visits and tests to five and three, respectively.) The longer treatment is prolonged, the harder it is to treat, and therefore, more expensive to treat. For example, if you have a cavity, what would be relatively simple to remedy and cost about $175, give or take, prolonging the situation can lead to a root canal (more painful and more money) or even having to have the tooth pulled (even more painful, more involved, and of course, more costly). When situations get out of hand, this again creates a drain on the system. In cases where patients rely on assistance to cover their medical needs, a filling is much cheaper than pulling a tooth, thus the latter costing more money to tax funds allocated for those in need of assistance. For women, getting a routine pap smear can detect abnormal cervical cells, which can lead to cancer. Again, getting the abnormal tissue removed costs much less time and money than treating cancer. And what if the cancer spreads and you find yourself terminal? Is a visit to the health department or about a $200 doctor visit worth your life?

Some (if not all) medical practices offer DISCOUNTS to insurance companies. If practices are so concerned about money, why do they offer discounts to the companies that have the money to pay for it and not to private pay citizens who would benefit from saving a few bucks? Why do they even have a full price and a discounted price? Fortunately, a couple of practices recently have charged me the discounted rate. If you go to a doctor to do private pay, and wonder if they offer the insurance discount to those opting for private pay, just ask. It may help you out a little.

On Healthcare, part I

Last week, I was telling my mother about my latest healthcare woes. She suggested I write about it, become an advocate for those who are adversely affected by our current system. I've touched on this topic before, as it affects my life more than I would like it to. And let's be real: it affects everyone, some more than others. I have tried before to write about it, to vent my frustrations, but I've always gotten so upset before I can concisely make my point that I just save the draft and table it for the time being. Obviously, being liberally minded, venting my opinions isn't going to get me far, being a big, blue Southern dot in a sea of red. Let me say this, though: I'm a little more purple than blue. I'm going to stick to the facts the best I can, but I am still going to throw in opinion, in order to maintain the passion of this issue. So, if you disagree with my opinion, that is totally fine with me. I believe diversity is what makes this world so awesome. Just hear me out, and consider what I have to say. I'm not trying to change anyone's core belief system or anything like that. My goal is to raise awareness. I also want to acknowledge that I am not a debater by nature. I don't like conflict. It stresses me out, and in doing so, raises my blood pressure, which is not a pleasant feeling. So, I'm going to channel my inner Ralph Nader (as a consumer activist), Julia Sugarbaker (as a great orator, and "diatribe-r"), Political Scientist (as a commentator on the state of affairs) and Chris Rock in Head of State ("That ain't right!"), and just go for it. This is going to get deep and unpleasant and very long. Please note: I will boldface my main points as a way to ease skimming.
The state of affairs relating to healthcare really hits home for me. In 2004, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. In 2007, I began experiencing chronic nausea, fatigue, and abdominal pain (a.k.a. my mystery illness). In 2008, still experiencing the mystery illness, I was denied health insurance (due to pre-existing conditions). In 2009, I found a health insurance plan that was more expensive to pay for than to go with private pay (paying out of pocket, without insurance). In 2010, my health insurance company was ordered to cease and desist operation because it was, at this point, only an insurance card, and not actually covering anything. I am still sick. I pay out of pocket to my healthcare providers. I deal with discrimination in doctors' offices because of my lack of insurance. Thankfully, for now at least, I am able to afford to "do private pay" (as the office staff calls it). But what about those who can't afford it? Just because I can afford it, doesn't mean everyone else can. (And that, to all those sociologists calling me an individualist, is what sets me apart from the individualists.)

Per the Declaration of Independence, I believe that healthcare is a right. I believe this right falls under "right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". While the "pursuit of happiness" clause is a weak argument (the key word being pursuit), I will state that it's hard to be happy when you are sick. But you still have the right to pursue healthcare in order to heal and, therefore, be happy. The "right to life" clause is what I prefer to argue. Life can be thought of in two ways. One of which is the ability to live in the figurative sense, as in "living life to the fullest." It's hard to do that when you're sick, but given the wording, you can always live as full a life as possible, given the circumstances. The other way I look at life, and the way I prefer to look at this clause for my argument, is the right to live. It's kind of hard to live when you're dead, isn't it? And it's pretty hard to get the treatment you need when you don't have appropriate healthcare. These rights were deemed unalienable by our founding fathers. That means, according to the intention of the Declaration, we have the right to alter or abolish the government when these rights are violated. (I am aware this way of thinking opens up a whole related can of worms, but I'm going to save my thoughts on that for another day. A day when I don't feel the need to advocate for the nation as a whole.)

Plan B

I mentioned in my last post that I am moving on to Plan B. With me, there is always a Plan B. I'm aiming for the big picture by doing little things along the way.

So, I'm a self-described Jane-of-all-Trades. I've been a babysitter, sitter (in general - house, pet, child, elderly), bartender, and office manager/bookkeeper. I've also majored in political science, history, education, public administration, and therapeutic massage. I've even taken a course in real estate. I have done volunteer work with GLBT causes and reproductive health. I love Barbies, cooking, and Auburn.

You know what else I love? What brings me peace? My escape from all the nasties of day-to-day modern life (besides Auburn)?

Arts and Crafts

It's probably the only thing I've been doing since I was born (besides watching "General Hospital").

So, I am finally putting my creative side to work, like I always have wanted to do.

Since I am still organizing the business and doing my research, I'm not quite ready to go completely public, obviously. I just couldn't leave y'all hanging, wondering about the mysterious Plan B.

(Alternate title for this post: Plan B: It's not just for birth control! Gotta love my inner reproductive health educator!)

Still raining

It seems with me, the story of my life is if it's not one thing, it's another.

So, while I was starting to find my blogging groove, another little rainstorm happened.

I thought, "Wow, maybe I'll have some joy to share on my blog when this is all over," and so I delayed posting. And delayed. And delayed.

And y'all, it's still raining.

What started as a "Go see this doctor and she'll give you some medicine and you'll be feeling great again," phone call from my OBGYN's nurse, has turned into three additional medical tests and almost two doctor appointments. Apparently, hyperthyroidism is not as simple to treat as my OBGYN's nurse thought.

I also hurt my finger while moving my stuff back to Auburn. This may or may not be related to the hyperthyroidism. It also may or may not be related to another autoimmune disease. Oh. Me.

Now, I know how doctors' appointments and medical tests go. One doctor says things aren't normal, they refer me to a specialist who says they are. But, I still feel like crap, so obviously, something isn't right. So, I was totally expecting to go to the endocrinologist and have her tell me I'm fine. Which, apparently, I'm not. To be honest, I was a bit surprised that my thyroid levels were high in the first place. I mean, it makes complete sense, but just knowing my history with bloodwork and diagnostic tests, I was really surprised something was actually wrong. And when the endocrinologist confirmed it, even though I was a bit anxious about getting my treatment going, I was relieved.

For once, the doctors have something that is diagnosable. And better yet, treatable.

Now, what all this means to me now is:

• I will not be going to school this semester, as advised by the orthopedic doctor
• I might actually be getting some answers in regards to my health (or lack thereof)
• I will continue to live in Auburn
• I will move on to Plan B

And, yes, I am very frustrated that I told every doctor and medical person I have been to see this summer, "I start massage school in Auburn August 16. Will this interfere with that? Should I put it off?" Everyone said it seemed like a reasonable time frame and they didn't see why I couldn't start school. Except for the orthopedic doctor, who suggested I delay school a semester. This was last Wednesday, five days before class was supposed to start. At that point, I had to agree with him.

Elegantly Wasted

Let me share what is really going on. That "Not nice" post - yes, it really happend. Yes, it really bothered me. Yes, I would react the same way in other circumstances. The first time I saw Network, it really spoke to me. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

In addition to having trouble getting excessive junk mail from Charter and AT&T and dealing with poor customer service and questionable business practices from myriad other companies, I also have been living in two cities for nearly a year.

I rarely wake up knowing if I am in Birmingham or Auburn. (In my defense, I also have very vivid, very possible dreams and I can sleep pretty hard, especially in the hour or so before starting to wake up.)

I want to live in Auburn. Legally, I am a resident of Auburn. The air is fresh, the people are nice, and I just feel normal when I am in Auburn. (I'm not sure which word - here or there - is appropriate. That's how confused I am.)

In Birmingham, I have to fight traffic to go anywhere. Slow drivers, impatient drivers, unaware drivers. It's really stressful. I don't know what's so complicated about the speed limit being, generally speaking, 30 in residential areas, 40 on small highways/major roads primarily zoned for commercial purposes, and 55 on the highway. I pretty much avoid the interstate at all costs. Stop signs mean stop, therefore, lack of stop signs mean to proceed. Green lights mean continue, yellow means get ready to stop, red means stop.

Just over two years ago, my favorite car ever was totaled. I was in a McDonald's drive-thru (because I was so busy it was "now or never" to get lunch, and it was the best available option), was at the window and had just gotten my drink, when I heard tires squealing and metal clanging. I looked in my rearview mirrow to see this car come around the building, and I watched until it was about to hit me, at which point, I started praying, and prepared myself for the worst. My car was pinned against the building by the car that hit me. I had moved a couple of feet forward. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. I had just bought my first home earlier in the week, and was distracted with other, more serious problems, which I can't talk about because some people would be very angry with me. So, scared, stunned, distracted, dazed, shocked, etc. me just kind of doesn't react to the situation. I was the last person to be interviewed by the police, I was the last person involved in the accident to be towed, and I never got to eat my lunch because it got cold by the time I was able to. I was covered in shards of glass and Coke. I had not had a chance to shower before I left the house because I hadn't gotten my gas turned on yet and was out of what was left of the hot water in the tank.

Of course, the person who hit me did not have insurance. They didn't even have a drivers license. And, of course, it wasn't even their car they were driving.

I did have insurance, so my insurance company took care of me. But the thing is, I couldn't buy a car that was equal to mine prior to it being totaled.

Not Nice

I've been dealing with really rude people all my life, and as I get older, it has only gotten worse. And, y'all, the number one reason for me deciding to move to Auburn was the people are nice. Seriously.

Lately though, I don't know if it's my hormones (not pregnant, just got some wacky hormone levels going on) or if it really is worse, but I have NOT been faring well when I've had to be in Birmingham (which could also factor in).

Let's start with AT&T. A couple of months ago some AT&T guy came to my door with a survey of sorts to try to figure out why more people in my Birmingham neighborhood have Bright House as opposed to AT&T. I told him, very nicely, that I choose not to support AT&T because I do not like their business practices. First, they outsource. Second, back before AT&T took over BellSouth, I had DSL and a land line in Auburn. When I moved back to Birmingham, I transferred my DSL to my mother's house. I didn't have any problems until I started receiving mail at my mother's house about my service at my old Auburn apartment (at least once a week, by the way). I tried to get off that mailing list and explain the situation, but I was told that was impossible. The last person I left a message with never returned my calls. Third, back in the '80's, AT&T promoted a bunch of men, then promoted women to fill the men's previous jobs, then cut out the position the women had gotten promoted to. I also hear that even though AT&T supposedly has a commitment to diversity, their business practices (and past) say otherwise. The guy at my doorstep vouched for AT&T saying that he did know African Americans who work with him. I told him diversity was about more than African Americans. He said he would get me off the mailing list. He didn't.

So, fastforward a little, and I realized I was going to have to either suffer without internet or cave in and get AT&T in Auburn ('cause I fired Charter down there for, you guessed it, poor customer service). I tried twice, with my girl, Girl Tuesday, as a witness, and all I got was more ammunition against AT&T. They were going to charge me way more than the advertised price for DSL.

I'm not even going to go there why I fired Charter. If you live in Auburn, Charter internet is pretty hit and miss. And the customer service is TERRIBLE.

Around the same time of the AT&T disaster, I realized my Macy's credit card bill had not been properly credited. If you have a Macy's credit card, you might know what I'm talking about here, so just go on to the next paragraph if you do. (If you don't, read this paragraph so you're aware of what happens.) Okay. So, when you get a Macy's credit card, you get a Macy's Visa, but it's actually a store account and a Visa. Same account number, two separate accounts. Tricky, huh? Well, when I paid my store account, it credited to my Visa, which I have never used (to this day). I tried calling customer service and I couldn't get through to the (outsourced) "customer service" person. I hung up. I went to the store to try to get it straightened out, and I was told to call customer service, but the NICE store clerk did call for me to try to straighten it out. She was told that I DO use my Macy's Visa. I called bullshit, thanked her for her assistance, and left. I called customer service again, had the same issues with communication, and finally got to someone who understood and somewhat spoke English. She just didn't enunciate very clearly. Girl Tuesday put that notion in my head, about how the woman should enunicate. So, when all was said and done, and she asked if there was anything else, I told her I did not like their outsourcing, their separate accounts for one account number, and how horrible the customer service was. She said I needed to tell that to someone else. So, I did something I really don't do very often, contrary to what my family thinks (they really have very little faith in me), and I yelled at her, "There is this thing called enunciation, and YOU need to learn how to do it!" and I hung up the phone and promptly left for Happy Hour.

That should have been strikes one, two, and three for Macy's, but I love that store, y'all. (Except for some of the hideous plus size clothes and the ever-shrinking women's department.) I love the home store. And the jewelry. Oh. My. Soul. Love it!

Two weeks ago, Girl Tuesday and I were in there, patiently waiting in line to ask for help since no one else was around to help us. You know what happened? The clerk took the woman who popped up "in line" after me. So, I just walked out of the store talking loudly about how upset I was.

Today, y'all, same thing happened, only at the purse counter.

Strike three.

The card is getting cancelled tomorrow.

To make things worse, my grandmother is in the hospital this week, and she has not had a pleasant hospital experience. The aides and nurses have been slow, short, and unprofessional with her.

So, consider yourselves warned, I'm disregarding Emily Post until this rude mess blows over, and I will not hesitate to call you out if you're being mean.

Better yet, I enourage y'all to be nice. My friend Melissa always says, "you never know what kind of day someone is having." She says this as her reason for being nice to others. So, be nice. You never know what kind of day someone is having.